PC Review: Amelie's Cafe: Summer Time

Once again, I bring you a review of another Diner-Dash type game. (Hold your applause.) This time, it comes from the Amelie's Cafe line of games. Admittedly, I hadn't played one before this, but they all seem to have the same concept, so I figured it doesn't matter to play them out of order.

It goes without saying that the premise of the game is to serve customers in a timely manner before they get mad and leave. About the only unique twist on this game is that you have to keep the work stations tidy, or the staff won't be able to cook the food. Everything else is about the same as Diner Dash. The graphics are slightly better (or worse, given your point of view - it's not all 2D comic book style, but the 3D aspects aren't the most fabulous I've ever seen either), but the game itself, in difficulty, is about a million times easier. I finished the whole game in one afternoon, and that was while stopping between each level to tidy my house.

There's definitely nothing groundbreaking here, and it's quite easily a forgettable game. Still, it's a decent time-killer if you need a diversion, so I'll rate it a 3 out of 5 stars.

DS Review: Sally's Salon

Sally's Salon is, indeed, another time management game. Don't write it off so quitely though, it is interesting. As the name implies, you're playing the character of Sally, who's beginning to run her own salon. (Shocker.) You have to rush to keep up with all of your clients' requests and keep them happy, as usual. But there are a lot of different requests, all of which will only increase as the game progresses - everything from hair washing, haircuts, styling, dye jobs, moustache coloring, perms, manicures, pedicures, blow outs, adornments, eyebrow tweezing, spray tanning, etc etc...you get the idea. And you only have a very limited amount of time to do it all in. Naturally, you can (and will) buy upgrades as the game goes on, or else you won't be able to complete the game, for the demands become too many and too fast. You'll eventually enlist the aide of a couple of assistants, but even with them there, it's still pretty challenging to keep up.

Overall I liked this game, but I felt like it was too short. Other than that, I have no real complaints. I'm rating this a 4 out of 5 stars.

DS Review: Imagine Movie Star

You know, I've got to hand it to the people at Imagine. They seem to be good at one thing, and one thing only: taking careers that would otherwise be extremely exciting, and then turning them into THE most boring, pathetic, stereotypical excuses of said careers possible. (And then some.) For some reason - probably for the same strange mysterious reason I continue to return to the Imagine games time and time again, despite having a very negative track record with them - I had higher hopes for this. How could they POSSIBLY wreck something as exciting as movie stardom? Oh, they did. Did they ever... Let me tell you about it!

When you think of what the responsibilities of being a movie star entails, what comes to mind? Acting, probably. Maybe dealing with the paparazzi and fans. Let me tell you something... there is not one iota of acting involved in this game. At all. This may as well be Imagine: Paris Hilton because it seems that you're only famous for the sake of being famous. So what DOES this game involve, you may ask? Hahahahaha.....about that......

You pick out clothes. A *lot* of clothes. Just about every single level, you will be picking out outfits set to a very strict standard. Aren't celebrities supposed to have, y'know, stylists for that? Not here, they don't. And then just about every single level....no matter what it is you're supposed to be actually doing (be it dancing, posing for photographers, etc), all you do is tap colored shapes and follow around a long tail of....I don't know what. That's it. That's the whole game. It's TERRIBLE. How this title EVER got released in a million years, I will NEVER KNOW. I know that if I were a little girl and my parents bought me this? I'd probably play it for 5 minutes before trashing it in the bottom of the toybox, never to see the light of day again. Also, the graphics are terrible and the music is horribly, horribly annoying. 

Seriously, spare yourself the trouble. I would vote this ZERO stars if it were an option, it's that much of a stinker!!

PC Review: Bistro Boulevard

Yes, yes, I know. You're going to get on my case here about all the Diner Dash-esque games one of these days. What can I say? I truly enjoy them!

Anyway, Bistroy Boulevard I'm going to have to admit straight off the bat is nothing special to stand apart from the pack. It's actually almost like Diner Dash-Lite, since all you have to do is find a way to seat all your patrons and make sure your service is up to par enough to where everyone will be served in a prompt manner. This is more difficult in earlier levels when you have little money to work with for adding extra tables, and they're so desperately needed.

Also, in this game, you unlock new dishes by having to actually guess the recipes for them. (Well, the ingredients, anyway.) This sounds easier than it actually is unless you're a dedicated foodie. And it costs money for each try. When you're strapped for cash to begin with, it makes it VERY difficult.

The money issues in this game force me to have to give it a low rating. The first couple of restaurants, you can barely scrape your way through, but everything beyond that, unless you know some well-guarded secret about this game, FORGET IT. You won't be able to get anywhere and progress whatsoever. And what fun is that if you're stuck with it in gridlock? I'll give this game a generous 3 out of 5 star rating.

PC Review: Bee Garden: The Lost Queen

Alright, before you even say it: just looking at the cover picture alone, I probably should have known that this game was going to be incredibly lame just by looking at it, right? Well, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt...and evidently my skepticism was right on the mark.

The premise of this game is that there's a colony of bees, and their queen has left them. Rather than, y'know, appoint a new queen (as is the case in real hives), they decide to try and make it on their own so they can *impress* the queen SO much that she might come home. Maybe. If she feels like it. They go from garden to garden, with their sophisticated honey making machines, all around the world to make all sorts of different hybrids of honey.

There's a glaring fact here that I can't ignore that just annoys me about this whole game that they're assuming kids won't know: BEES DON'T LIVE THAT LONG. They wouldn't have time to globetrot and just do this all over the place. And bees make honey without needing a single machine in real life. So what the hell is this?

You start out with a few lone seeds, and from there, you're expected to breed them and produce more and more seeds as your flowers die off, after you've collected the "nectar drops" and made honey from them. Uhhhh....okay then. You have a quota to fill every level. Since when do bees take honey orders, I ask you? Oh well, nevermind. Then toss into the mix that you have bumblebees trying to steal your nectar drops that you have to kill, caterpillars, ground beetles, and a whole mess of nasties that you're constantly chasing after with a spray can to keep from killing your garden. Also, weeds. Whenever these weeds pop up, you have approximately, oh, 2 seconds to get them the hell out of there, STAT, or they'll poison your bees. Lovely, huh?

Then, while all of this is going on, at the same time you also have to be distracted by trying to collect pieces for random powerups. There's always 4 or 5 pieces to all of them. Say, raindrops and a cloud for a rainstorm (to water your plants), clock pieces for more time on the clock, peas in a pod for extra seeds, honeycomb coins for more money....you get the picture. All while you're supposed to be focused on cultivating your plants and making honey. Huh. And don't forget that there's about a million upgrades you have to buy for each garden, too!

My other HUGE gripe with this game is how SLOWLY everything moves. Have the creators of the game ever seen a bee? I honestly have to wonder! They move SO. SLOWLY. And don't even start me on the speed of the cut scenes. I can't even stand to sit through them. I tried, I really did! Iusually try to always watch them to get a better idea of the storyline that goes along with the gameplay, but trust me, you do that on this game and you'll be wasting more time watching shoddy animations than actually playing this sub-par game.

Do yourself a favor. Spare yourself the time, the money, and the effort, and just don't buy or play this game. It is AWFUL. I'm going to give it a lowly star and a half rating.

PC Review: Restaurant Rush

Restaurant Rush is a slightly different type of 'dash' game than the typical ones we've all grown so accustomed to at this point. Assuming it was going to be something along the lines of Diner Dash, I downloaded it on a whim, even though I'd never heard of this particular title before. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was actually a different type of gameplay altogether from what I'd assumed!

I think it's fairly safe to say that anyone reading this has to be familiar with the game Bejeweled, correct? (If not, go search it and play it online. Right now. This is the modern equivalent of Tetris; EVERYONE has played this game. If somehow you haven't, stop reading this review right now and correct this problem straight away. ;)) For the rest of us, continue reading.

The gameplay in this game is very much like that of Bejeweled, except with food. Well alright, there's tons of Bejeweled knockoffs out there, what makes this one any different? Let me tell you. Just like with the dash games, down one side of your screen, you have a line of customers who keep making their food orders. On the opposite side of the screen, you see what ingredients you need to make these meals, plus how many of each item (something akin to Burger Island). Now, in the center of the screen you have the actual gameplay board, and THIS is the part that's like Bejeweled. The ingredients you need are the pieces on the board, and you have to match them up in rows of three (or more) to collect said ingredients. Don't take too long though, or your customers will get mad and leave.

There's upgrades of course, par usual. Ingredient upgrades to buy, new recipes, new songs to play on your jukebox, upgrades to your additional equipment for keeping customers happy, etc. There's also several maps that you'll play through that focus on different world cuisines from all over the globe - it's educational as well as fun!

The one gripe I have about this game is that unless you buy things in a very specific order, it is IMPOSSIBLE to actually win this game. I know, I know. This is the same girl who complains about other games being too easy, but it's not fair when it's in this genre and they set you up for failure unless you know specific knowledge of what you have to buy, in what order, to win. Still, overall, even if you don't win, it IS pretty fun... I'm going to rate it 8 out of 10 sliced and diced carrots.

PC Review: Nanny Mania 2 - Nanny Goes To Hollywood

Far from the first game I've reviewed where I didn't bother playing the original game in the series first, Nanny Mania 2 is yet another one of these. I'd never heard of the original, but seeing this one available - especially anything with Hollywood in the title - grabbed my attention, and I had to download it and try it out.

Now, true to form with my usual theme of PC games, it is indeed yet another 'dash' type game. (Yes, I hear your resounding groans here.) I must admit, this game was pretty lackluster. I'm guessing that it ties in following the heels of the first game that you're playing a nanny, but, immediately upon her arrival in Hollywood, she gets snagged up by one of the world's hottest actresses. (Given the way that she's portrayed, she seems to be a split between Nicole Richie and Angelina Jolie.) You're hired to keep house for her and take care of her children. Little do you know she's just going to keep on having and adopting more and more children as the game progresses.

Let me tell you that these people are complete and utter SLOBS. They leave dozens of articles all over their house (in every level, mind you) that you have to wash, dry, and put away. They leave garbage all over the floor, all through the house, that you have to throw away. There's piles of dirt to vaccuum, puddles to mop up, knocked over furniture to straighten, beds to make, food to prepare, dishes to wash, and that's not even counting where the kids are concerned. The kids fight and destroy the house in their aftermath; the babies need their diapers changed, bottles fed to them, and to be comforted whenever they fall down; the kids jump on beds and have to be put on time outs, etc. Not to mention, there's a dog that barrels through the house and destroys things, has accidents, and knocks things over, plus a bird who always seems to be on the loose. The house is in complete and utter chaos, and it's your job to fix it.

Also thrown randomly into the mix are relatives that come and overstay their welcome, paparazzi who stalk outside the windows trying to get exclusive photos to sell to the tabloids, and other such ridiculousness that could only happen in Hollywood. You're also on a strict timer, but this isn't all that hard to keep up with once you learn how to chain your actions and abuse the coffee pot.

It only took me about a week of casual playing to win the whole game, and I never felt particularly challenged by it. I guess for a younger crowd, maybe this would be the case, but for a teenager or an adult, definitely not. I'm going to rate this game a 3 out of 5 stars.

PC Review: Cake Mania - Lights, Camera, Action!

In between working on my NaNoWriMo adventures, reading/reviewing books, and trying to get my cross stitch projects complete in time for Christmas, I've been on a time-management game kick lately. (Ironic, given that I can't seem to properly even manage my own time...) Right on the heels of my last Cake Mania game review, today I bring you Cake Mania: Lights, Camera, Action!.

What struck me immediately about this game as being different from the other titles in this series is that this one seems to have much more of a plot than the others do. Jill and her husband are apparently expecting a baby and still trying to run their bakery. But wait, there's more! This time around, there's a film crew in town trying to film a movie at the same time. Their friend Risha has opened up a fashion boutique, and another friend has opened up an Italian restaurant. (This will all become important in a minute.)

When you first start playing, you're working in the bakery (which has had a serious facelift since the other games in the series) and the gameplay is fairly predictable - nothing entirely different from the other Cake Mania games. However, after a couple rounds, you unlock Risha's Boutique. This is an entirely new thing for the Cake Mania games, as this has nothing to do with baking whatsoever. Over here, you're in a cluttered boutique and have to find specific articles of clothing for the customers in a timely manner (it's more of a hidden item seek mini-game than anything) and gift wrap for certain patrons. Instead of upgrading appliances with your hard earned cash, instead you upgrade the new fashion lines you're carrying, as well as your gift-wrapping options. One particular fashion line caught my eye as a tried and true Liza Minnelli fan...

...I officially have a new favorite Cake Mania game, folks.

Then you unlock the Italian restaurant after a certain number of rounds in the fashion boutique. This is something more akin to Diner Dash, but still slightly unique and different.  You have to combine ingredients to make the customers' food requests. Not that difficult, not all that different from other time-management games out there, but still unique to Cake Mania and gives the game a little extra zest.

Now of course, my obligated gripes about the game...

Given that this is a line made with kids in mind (even though it usually tends to be adults, I've found, who end up playing it) I found it to be a little disconcerting that the map screen for the bakery levels is a little bit...porn-y, for lack of a better term. You've got Jill and her husband standing back to back, Jill rubbing her very pregnant belly and giving bedroom eyes while stereotypical "porn music" (as I so lovingly coin it) plays as background music. It just so happens that the trail of the map happens to be in a heart shape around them. One could argue that they're married, it's expected, but... I don't know. Something about it just feels the teensiest bit inappropriate. Nothing horrible, it's just a subtle thing that I couldn't help but notice every time the screen popped up in between levels.

Another gripe is how the game seems to assume that every expectant father is a bumbling idiot. Honestly. I know there's a stereotype that's being followed and all, and that's all fine and well, but honestly, I'm pretty sure that even the most naive of fathers wouldn't make a point of constantly pointing out how fat their wife has become. (And this happens REPEATEDLY, if you actually read the dialogue between levels.) It's not exactly a problem with the game I guess, but it just seems like a bad message to be sending kids while they're still at an impressionable age. Goes right up there with stereotyping gender roles from the 1950's.

Overall I really don't have too much to complain about with this game. It's fun, but it seems entirely too easy. All the other games in the line feel more challenging than this one. I don't know if they simplified the gameplay because of the alternate forms of gameplay included in the game or what, but I finished this almost alarmingly quickly. Had I not been multitasking with several other projects, I easily could have probably finished the entire game in 2 days, 3 tops. It doesn't feel like it has a ton of replay value. Maybe a little, but I don't see this one being one I'd come back to many times later on.

I'm going to rate this game a 7 out of 10 frosted cakes.

PC Review: Cake Mania To The Max!

I've been a long-standing supporter and player of the Cake Mania series. Basically since day one, honestly, as it was so similar to Diner Dash (which I've also been following since it first came out). There have been so many spin-offs in both series that it's hard to keep up these days. (There's a few I still need to get on both accords right now.)

This particular one was supposed to be a 1980's inspired game, basically going back in time to detail how the main character got her start in the cake making business. As you progress through the storyline, the background of the 'map' is all pictures of her life, starting from her birth.

The artwork is actually very nice. It follows suit with the quality of that of most of the games in this series, but I'm a big fan, so I may be biased. The dialogue, however, is horrendous. I AM a child of the 80's and I remember what people spoke like. And I'll give you a hint....it was nothing like this game. They more or less took every stereotypical phrase from the 80's and peppered it into every sentence or two, so there's no way you could forget what era this is supposed to be taking place in. (However, it comes off sounding much more like an immature valley girl.)

The gameplay itself is comparable with just about any other Cake Mania title. Personally I only managed to get up to about level 42 out of 100 before I deemed it impossible to play, but that's just me. I'm sure others have managed just fine. Needless to say, it is what it is. There's nothing particularly new or special about this title. But if you're a fan of the series, feel free to give it a spin! I'd rate this game a 3 and a half out of 5 cakes.

DS Review: Winx Club: Quest For The Codex

You know, it is quite simple to say that a game is quite possibly the most boring game you've ever played, but all too often, we throw around that sentence too fluidly. It takes a special talent, if you will, to develop a game this badly.

Konami... you have let me down.

I've been aware for several years of that Bratz-wannabe cartoon series, The Winx Club. And even after sitting through about half a dozen episodes, I can safely say that this show is crap. And what's crappier than this show? This game.

In some land far away, there is apparently a land of pixies--no wait, fairies. (The pixies are their own entity, I forgot.) But they're not just any fairies, oh no. They're hip, valley girl fairies (except from the geeky one) who go to school and are essentially every teenage girl stereotype...plus wings. And super powers. Why? I'm not sure. Apparently there's a market for this. At any rate, you're obligated to fight your way through this game to.........actually, the storyline is so poor, I'm not even entirely sure what the hell you're trying to do here. Nor am I sure how the "powers" each fairy has has ANY bearing whatsoever on what little storyline they do give you of what you're trying to accomplish. (Example: you're going to open a locked safe "with dance magic"? Really?? You are not Jareth the Goblin King; knock it off.)

One of these - the only one of these - seems fairly plausible that it could be a legitimate gameplay for fighting your way through this game. You've got your little fairies, it's more or less a side scroller, and you shoot at demons or shadow beasts or whatever these weirdass things are, and each fairy has its own unique power up to fight with. Okay, fine. That's not so bad. Even if the whole game were like this...it would be dry, but not entirely bad. But that's where the decency ends....

The OTHER ways you fight through this game? Well, let me tell you. Since I mentioned it already, I'll start with the dance magic one. It's basically DDR for the DS....which, any DDR that doesn't involve a real dance pad, in my opinion, is pointless. Why bother, I don't know. But they threw it in. Then there's a similar DJ beats game....there's falling notes, and you have to match up the right instrument with the right key and get it at the perfect timing. (Yes, it's exactly as stupid as it sounds.) So there's that. There's one where you're trying to grow a vine plant, and bugs keep attacking it, so you have to kill the bugs before they kill your plant. There's one where you wire the circuitry of a computer (well....I guess this could come in useful). And lastly, one that is more or less a glitchy paddle ball where you have to draw your own paddles and have the ball bounce off it, aiming for pixies and gems.

Now, if these were typical mini-games, this would not be a problem. But they are the ENTIRE GAME. They make absolutely *ZERO* sense in how they tie in to your storyline, which really makes me think that Konami was trying to cheaply throw in as many mini-slices of different genres as possible to market to the girls who would buy this...and just failed miserably. And this game doesn't let you forget that it's based off a tv show, oh no. In between levels, you're constantly bombarded with the theme song and show bumpers from the series. If this isn't one of the poorest examples of advertising marketing, I don't know what is.

There's really nothing good whatsoever I can say about this game. Avoid it at all costs. Voting it a 1 out of 10 fairies.

DS Review: Tom and Jerry Tales

I remember, way back in the day, playing the NES Tom and Jerry game. I also remember, time and time again, getting beyond irrationally angry with the stupid thing because it was so impossible to play that I could barely ever even get past the first level.

This game? It's like that.

I don't know if it's just something about it being Tom and Jerry that screams out to game designers to make impossible games or what, but it sure seems to be a common theme I'm noticing. I did even worse here than on the NES one... I couldn't even pass the first level, isn't that pitiful? I consider myself to be a pretty decent gamer...not the world's best by any means, but I think I can hold my own all right. So why is this one so difficult? Even after following the tutorial exactly, it doesn't seem to help. Even with the on screen directions and following them to a tee, it tells me I didn't do them right. (I personally smell a glitch.)

This is all quite a shame, because even though the 3D graphics sure aren't the best ones out there, the style of this game really does the original Tom and Jerry cartoon series justice, and I was very much looking forward to seeing just where they went with this one. Oh well...

Rating this one a 2 out of 10 cartoon mallets.

DS Review: That's So Raven - Psychic on the Scene

You know, first impressions can be deceiving, especially if you judge a book by its cover... well, in this case, a game by its cover. Seriously, who would ever in a million years expect a That's So Raven game to actually be - dare I say it - actually pretty decent? I know I sure didn't.

This is another one of Disney Interactive's releases - yes, the same people who did that buttload of Hannah Montana video games. (Oh, don't get me started again...) As such, comparing this qualitywise? I'm guessing that it was made sometime around the same time as the first Hannah Montana DS game, since the quality is pretty comparable. Sure, the music is pretty lame, but the quality of the 3D is surprisingly decent, and a lot of the graphics throughout the game are of photographic quality. That earns it lots of bonus points right there for me.

The game plays out like a series of mini mysteries that take place over the course of about a week. The main one is that Raven saw in a vision that the local theatre is being sold and closed down. However, anyone who's ever seen the TV show knows that Raven's visions are half-baked at best, and that she only focuses in on about half of it until she's gone and tried to change destiny, at which point she'll have another vision that's actually accurate and makes her feel like an idiot. Such is the case in this game, and it happens with all the mini mysteries as well. Now, much like with the first Hannah Montana DS game, I'm also impressed with how well-written the dialogue for this was, and have to wonder if they used the show's scriptwriters. (Yes, having a little sister right in the target age range of that show makes one appreciate these things.) The game is pretty well involved; there's so many side stories and missions in addition to the main one that it'll keep you occupied for a good while.

I do wish that, in the navigational controls, that there were a way to run. It would make things SO much easier. But, the rest of the game is good enough to where I think even with this small annoyance, it still holds up.

What gets me is seemingly how Raven has more visions about what she should dress up as to scam whoever it is she's in the vicinity of to get away with whatever mission she's on. For this, it seems less like she's a psychic, and more like she's a con artist, but hey, what do I know? ;)

In the extras, this game does show its age a little... There's an actual TV spot commercial for when Hannah Montana first went on the air. (What a mind trip that was to watch.)

Surprisingly, even though it's a simple little Disney game, I'm going to rate this one highly. I'm giving it a 7 out of 10 psychic visions.

DS Review: Spongebob Squarepants: The Yellow Avenger

Admittedly, I've never quite understood the full appeal of Spongebob Squarepants. Perhaps this has something to do with the only times I've seen it, it always seems to be one of the same three episodes over and over again, that I didn't really even find to be funny to begin with...hmm. Regardless, I decided to at least try to give this game the benefit of a doubt here.

What an hour wasted.

Granted, this game is from 2005, when the DS was still relatively new on the market, and 3D platform games for a Nintendo system were practically unheard of still - note the almost complete lack of stylus usage in this game, it's almost all arrow pad keys. This wouldn't necessarily be such a problem (even with the graphics being extremely polygonal, poorly laced, and glitchy), except....... (insert pregnant pause)........you're limited to using only the left and right arrow buttons to navigate.

That's right. A 3D world that operates like an oldschool side-scroller. Oh sure, there's points where you're supposed to move forward and backward, but do the up and down keys work? NO. They don't. You press down, you duck. You press up, nothing happens. (WTF???) So, what to do? Oh... you stop in front of one of these directions, and apparently press left or right in whichever direction's closer. ............Yeah, that makes little to no sense to me either.

As for the actual plot, you're employed to help Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy save Bikini Bottom from The Dirty Little Bubbles. (Why yes, I do believe that's a double entendre.) This more or less involves jumping around on innocent victims' heads, then capturing the bubbles. (Oh yeah, that's real fun. Not.) Every time you see a jelly fish, you capture it and milk it for its jelly. Ummmmm......am I the only one seeing something not-so-vaguely phallicly referenced by that? >_> You have unlimited lives, but each time Spongebob dies, you pick up from wherever you started your last turn at, and you lose any and all progress you'd made on that turn. Ugh. I can't even BEGIN to tell you how frustrating this is, especially when the naviagational system makes things so damn impossible.

I feel like I'm being generous even rating this game this highly, but I'm rating it a 3 out of 10 Krabby Patties.

DS Review: Crime Lab - Body of Evidence

Never before has there been such an impressive game...and then such a let down.

As I was first playing this game, I was thinking to myself, Wow! This is the first game I've played in the longest time that doesn't suck! Given all the shovelware out there lately, trust me, these gems are few and far between.

The game itself in its nature reminds me a lot of the show Law & Order: Criminal Intent. You're a detective who's solving murder mysteries, and going to just about any lengths to do so. The artwork is great, the music is effective, I just like everything about how it works. Granted, the controls could be a tiny bit better...sometimes you touch something once and it doesn't do a thing, then when you go back to it, it does. But apart from that, it's pretty good.

Now, the letdown? I was very well involved in the storyline when I got to the level with the safecracking. I know I had the right code. I even doublechecked this numerous places online. Yet, no matter how many times I put it in, regardless of how I spun the wheel on that safe, no dice. I have to wonder if this is an antipiracy measure, as I was indeed playing a rom of the game, or if it was some sort of glitch or what. If it weren't for that, this game would probably have the most glowing, perfect review. However, as I haven't played a physical copy of the game, I'll try not to crack down too hard on it and give it the benefit of the doubt that its non-rom version probably works better. Therefore, I'm going to rate this game a 7 out of 10 body outlines.

DS Review: Betty Boop's Double Shift

I won't lie, I have an obsession with the jazz age, Roaring Twenties scene that won't quit. So I was more than a little surprised to see that there's a DS game involving Betty Boop...complete with 20's art deco right on the cover. I had a feeling just by the cover that this would be yet another Diner Dash knock-off, and truth be told, I was right.

It's not even a good knock-off. Any time you try and multi-task, it seems to gum up the works. There seems to be no real rhyme or reason to the line waiting outside the door at the club, if you take more than a couple of seconds to get to somebody to take their order, they change their mind and aren't ready to order after all, you can't change the music when it's needed, and that's just the tip of the iceburg. After each level, you're introduced to a musical interlude... if one could even call it such. You have to match up 4 musical notes one a screen, twice, and that's it. No particular timing or anything, just tap them in the right order. Nor do they even play a tune; you just hear the crowd cheering for you with every note you tap. Very odd.

Also at the start and end of each level, you have to hear that god-awful "Boop-ee-oop-ee-oop-ee-oop, boop boop ee-doop!" To the point where after only playing a few rounds of it, you're so annoyed with this damn thing that you want to throw your DS through a wall. (I assure you, no matter how tempted you are, it's just not worth it. Don't do it.) It's also VERY prone to freezing up entirely and it drives me NUTS. It's just not worth it for a game that isn't very good to begin with.

I just have to ask.... What genius felt that it would be relevent in today's world to make a Betty Boop game? Honestly, what market are they catering to? I don't think there is one. They were hoping for a niche, while at the same time latching onto someone else's idea. But they failed miserable in the process. I'm going to rate this game a 3 out of 10 boops.

DS Review: 12

Well now, here's an interesting little oddity of the DS game line if ever I saw one! It's entitled, quite simply, 12. Given the cover, I thought it must be a cheap Japanese release that got a US translation. Guess what? It's LICENSED BY NINTENDO. Wowwwww. If I didn't hold it in my hands rightn ow, I'd probably doubt this game's existence, as even just finding a photo of the cover for this review was like pulling teeth.

Even with a name so obvious as 12, it's rather vague and ambiguous - you don't really know what exactly you're geting. I, personally, was immediately thrown back to the mid-1990's; the era where the keychain digital pets prevailed. There was one in particular that I had which was a 12-in-1 pet, and the cover of this reminds me greatly of the box from that. I digress.

I can't quite decide if I love or hate this little game. In a way, it also reminds me of the oldschool computer games, those Klik n Play games that seemed to come as demo versions with all sorts of titles, but did anybody ever really buy them? These have a very strong vibe of those. The graphics are not very good; not horrible, but not good. Very simplistic as though this were intended for a toddler to play, even though these clearly weren't. The music, also, is almost gratingly annoying after about 30 seconds of listening to it. My suggestion is either turn your volume off on your DS, crank some music, or both. ;)

The opening menu itself already further perpetuates the true vagueness of this game. You appear to have a telephone touchpad (plus asterisk and pound signs, and a call sign and wrench symbol for options). There's no explanation. Just "press any button!". Um....okay. 1 seems like a good place to start...

I suppose the best way to review such a game as this would be to address each individual mini-game that this title comprises of, so here goes:

Lolli Rolling - .....Okay, unless "Lolli" also means "mouse" or something in Japan, I have a feeling that the Japanese have a lot of explaining to do here. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, just look up "lolita complex" on Google.) This game....it's very strange. You're controlling a little mouse who balances on top of a ball while juggling about 6 balls at the same time. (Oh Mr. Kruk, I'm having flashbacks to 8th grade gym class with you.) You mustn't let the mouse's ball hit any object on the floor, lest you fall and lose a life. At the same time, depending upon the speed you chose to play this game at, you'll have a row of letters scrolling down the right side of the screen. You have to hit the button on your DS that correllates with each letter in perfect timing with this, or else you'll drop one of your juggling balls. Lose all your lives, and it's game over. The oddity here is that upon game over, you put in your name in the oldschool arcade game high score table fashion, which doesn't make a lot of sense when chances are that you'll be the only one playing this game in the first place.

Fun Fishing - Despite the almost alarmingly low quality of graphics here, this is actually a pretty decent little game. I'm not quite certain if it would stand up to being its own release should the graphic qualitiy be improved upon, but if this were back in the GBA days, I have a feeling it could have easily held its own. It's surprisingly complex for such a simplistic game. It's exactly what it sounds like, a fishing game. The graphics look as thought they were pulled directly from a GBA Pokemon game. But there's various locations, different types of fish, all sorts of different items to stock up with at the market that affect your fishing capability, earned money from catching and selling each fish..... I could see where this easily could become quite an addictive little game!

FillLove - This game is somewhat like a vaguely date simulated based Dr. Mario premise...minus the pills. But the gameplay is about identical. There isn't much to say here. I thought the game was fairly boring.

Dice - I don't quite understand what you're supposed to do here. The game seems to be a weird hybrid of dice, dominos, and tetris. The problem with this entire game is that none of these games give you any directions on what you're supposed to do; they only give you the controls. Dislike.

Test Grill - I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but this game is a prime example of Engrish at its best. Practically every sentence is in SUCH broken english. The game, once you figure out what you're supposed to be doing, is actually pretty fun. You place as many pieces of food onto the board as you can fit, trying to crowd out the other player. You then eat your food as quickly as possible before it burns, or else you just wasted precious time and points. It's a little more complicated than it sounds.

Egg Adventure - This is one of the oddest platform games I think I've ever seen. You play the role of an egg that has to travel throughout level to level, trying to get back to its nest. You throw hay at enemies. You cannot jump. What sort of game is this?! I also cannot STAND how slowly the game moves on top of everything else. Next...

Mr. Oil - I'm quite confused by this game as well. It appears that you try to maneuver a hobo around to collect bottles to exchange for money while avoiding a bloodthirsty dog. ....Yeah, I don't get the point of this either.

Match 2 - Was there a Match 1? Regardless, this isn't your typical 'tap and match 2 cards' matching game. I think it might be match 3....although I can't seem to get past the first level, no matter what I do. Very confusing...

Bang Bang Balloon - This is basically a fancy worldwide dart-throwing competition. You stand on top of a platform while a friend inflates and releases helium balloons, and your aim is to hit as many balloons as possible. Reach the pre-determined score, and you'll move on to the next country's competition. However, for every balloon that you miss, you lose as many points as you would have gained. This isn't much of a problem the first few rounds, but it quickly becomes one when the speed increases and it's harder and harder to get the correct rhythm down. (I made it to Paris, for anyone interested.)

Moon - I have no idea why this is even titled Moon. Basically, you run aronud, tooting on a horn to wake up sleeping mice and guide them back to their mousehole. But watch out! A sneaky cat is on the prowl, looking to make away with a mouse if you don't scare it away. As you level up, the cat remains the same, but the mice change into different items or animals to match the background. It's very weird.

Kuo - Of course, we couldn't have a multi mini game extravaganza without a mindless shooter, now could we? *eyeroll* You're firing from a sea turtle at anything that hurtles your way in the ocean. That's about it. Real exciting, right?

Buffy Racing 2 - The Japanese certainly try to make anything sound cute, don't they? Here's a hint: buffalos aren't cute. Nor by calling them "buffies" will you make them cute. It's more of a horseracing type thing where you pick your buffalo and hope it's the fastest.


Overall......this game, unless you're about 5 years old, is probably not even worth wasting your time on, in my opinion. None of it is particularly grabbing or fantastic (the fishing game was the closest) and it seems more like a time waster if anything. Not even a time killer...time waster. This one gets a 4 out of 10 ninja stars.

DS Review: My Hero: Doctor

I know I've said it before, but I'm always a nerd for all the medical-based games. Soon as I know they exist, I go out of my way to do my damndest to procure a copy of it. Such was the case here. However, some are better than others...and this is not one of the very high quality games.

You're supposed to be interning at a local hospital, straight out of med school. You're immediately instructed how to give injections. This is a far more involved process than in most medical-based games. Bonus points for that. You're then tutored in ambulance driving. Now, I should tell you, this is what you'll be spending the majority of your game doing. A more appropriate title for this game would be My Hero: Ambulance Driver, or My Hero: EMT. You'll be briefed through comic strip format of some type of accident that has occurred. This is the scene you're racing to. This wouldn't necessarily be so bad....except, that no matter how well you drive, you're going to be swerving ALL over the road, and often get hit by other cars literally out of NOWHERE. It's maddening. You get to the scene, and - big surprise! - what you learned will now be implemented into action. After that, it's another drive back to the hospital. On to the next round. The process repeats, except that you additionally learn how to x-ray and identify fractures, bandage breaks, perform CPR, remove foreign objects from wounds and clean them, and in a few extreme cases, use a defibrillator.

What gets me is how incredibly short this game is. Since everything seems to be training, you keep expecting to get into the 'real' rounds of the game....and then you find out, this was the game, that's it. I was very disappointed with that, but what can you do? I also couldn't help but notice that it ripped off a few sound effects directly from other medical-based games. The whole thing seems to smack of shoddy quality and low budget-ness, and all seems to have been very quickly created. I feel that, had they have spent more time developing this game, it had potential to be pretty decent and might have even stood up to about the level of Lifesigns (to which I still wish there was a sequel). But as it was far too rushed, I'm going to have to rate this game a 5 out of 10 ambulance sirens. Very mediocre, very disappointing.

DS Review: 7 Wonders II

How odd is this? Merely days after writing my review of the original 7 Wonders game, I find out there was a sequel. After just how much I complained about it, it's amazing that I found enough interest drummed up to try out this game. For once, I was not completely disappointed!

Almost every single issue that I complained about in the last game? It's like they heard my pleas and fixed them. (Even though I wrote that review long after this game was released, I'm sure. ;)) The tiles are twice the size, there's more variety in what you do, new gameplay options, less distracting construction workers, less rambling on about history... just plain EVERYTHING is better about this game! The game itself is still rather on the short side though, which could be improved upon. I still finished it beginning to finish in approximately 3 hours, much like the original. For such a casual game though, that's not too terrible at all.

The most notable features here are the ones that were added specifically for this game. For this one, you collect map pieces as you clear the boards. Once you complete a map, it takes you to a bonus level, exclusively unlocked by these maps. You must get the specified piece cleared off the bottom of the board in a certain number of moves (it's different each time), and if you do, you win a massive amount of bonus points. And at the end of each level, there's another new feature: You're presented with a grid that has colored squares in it. Depending how many bricks you accumulated throughout the level, this determines how many squares you can move. The aim is to get each square to the top of the grid. As soon as you do, you've completed the wonder. It's a different way of going about things, but not necessarily bad.

Overall, not too bad of a game. The ending was a little bit of a let down, but hey, what can you do? Although, I am left with one lingering thought... If the first game was the 7 wonders of the world, what were these 7? As such, I feel it would be appropriate to rate this game a 7 out of 10 colored tiles.

DS Review: 7 Wonders of the Ancient World

7 Wonders of the Ancient World is a throwback to a time past, where civilizations made of stone conquered all, where boys were boys and men were men, where gem swapping games were still f--wait. Did I say that?

Unfortunately, it's all too true of this game though. I love a good Bejeweled-esque type game as much as the next person, but in my humble opinion, this game just doesn't quite make the grade. The whole premise seems to be a feeble attempt at being an educational game about the 7 wonders of the world. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. However. If you bought this game, the whole point was because you wanted to play puzzles. You'd probably like to unwind, and not really have to think about much of anything, as this is a fairly casual gamer type of a game. You don't want to read page upon page of boring history notes. If you did, you'd pick up a book. So there's a point against it in the first place. Secondly, I take issue with the main menu/opening screen of the game. There's a long menu down the right side of the screen with different play options. But for the actual regular game? Off to the left on a big glowing medallion. Now, given that menu, I didn't even hardly take notice of the medallion as anything other than decoration at first, so I kept clicking Rune Quest and Free Play, and driving myself nuts in that I couldn't figure out why, despite completing the level in the allotted amount of time and without losing lives, I couldn't progress past the first wonder. I very nearly almost wrote the game off at that. I felt really stupid when I realized that, not only was that medallion a button, it was the button to play the *actual* game. Another point docked down for confusion in layout.

This brings us to the actual gameplay itself. The very first thing I noted was how tiny - miniscule, even - each of the tiles on the board are. This makes precision very, VERY difficult; you often swap the wrong piece by mistake. (Another point down.) I feel that this game would actually work out better if it did NOT implement the use of the stylus, or, at the very least, gave an option to use the arrow keys instead. It might take a little longer to maneuver around with, but it would ensure precision, and any mistakes would be the fault of the user.

Also worth noting is that while you're playing the game down on the lower screen, the upper screen displays tiny little workers building the wonder with the blocks you're providing them by clearing them off the bottom screen. It's a nice touch. However, if you're ADD like I seem to be, you'll find yourself sitting there wanting to watch what the workers are doing while the time ticks away down the clock, and before you know it, the level's not done and your time's up. (However, I can't hold that against the game.)

Each wonder has approximately 8 levels to complete to finish it. Once you complete the wonders, there's a bonus 'wonder': Atlantis. It's not particularly hard though. Another thing I have against the game that I learned the hard way, on the second to last level of the game at that... Once you run out of spare lives? You don't have the opportunity to just do the whole wonder over again. No, it's GAME OVER, you start over from the VERY start. It's extremely frustrating.

On top of which, if you were to sit down and play the game beginning to end? It would only take you a few hours to do so, if that. (I had an insomniac night, started from the beginning of the game around 11 pm, and completed it by not quite 3 in the morning.) I guess it's just as well though, because despite the fact you're working on constructing different wonders, the game is essentially extremely repetitive and gets boring quickly. The colors of the tiles don't even change with the levels. Any sort of variety would have helped.

Ultimately, I think I'm going to rate this game a 6 out of 10 ancient construction workers. It's not the worst puzzle game I've ever played, but it's far from the best, either.

DS Review: Jane's Hotel

Ah, Jane's Hotel. Another PC to DS crossover that I saw coming a mile away. I remember playing the demo of the PC version the day it hit the Zone download site, and I can safely say that the DS version is more or less identical to this...except harder the maneuver, since you have such a tiny screen to work with, whereas on the PC, you have it all laid out before you and don't have to worry about scrolling. But, I digress...
This is the story of a little girl, searching, searching, for she knows somewhere, there is a someone for her--wait a minute, that's not it at all. (Pardon my Judy Garland diversion.) This is the story of a girl who dreams of starting her own hotel chain to live out the dreams of her grandparents. Thus, you start out with a small bed and breakfast and set out to turn this into the Plaza Hotel...or something like that anyway.
You run around, checking hotel guests in, then attending to their every need: wanting the phone, newspaper, coffee, their room vaccuumed, etc. Depending on how quickly you attend to them determines just how much they'll tip you. As you level up, you'll be unlocking new items...but also new needs. Everything from a restaurant to tv to wanting fresh fruit to having their dry cleaning taken in to having a pianist play for them to watering the plants in the hall to having you bring liquor to their rooms...you get the picture. This doesn't sound so hard, and for the most part, it isn't. It's mostly just the last couple of levels per hotel that you work in that you'll probably have to re-try a few times before beating.
TIP: Try to pair your actions off in chain reactions. You'll get more points for doing so, and in the later levels, this is often the only way of making hitting the daily cash goal attainable.

This game is another game in the realm of Diner Dash-esque time management simulation games...which, if you're into that sort of game, you'll probably love this. If you hate them, you'll hate this, simple as that. This one has a certain flair to it as it seems to have been designed by Brits....everybody in this game has an accent. (It's beautiful.) For that...personally, for me anyway, I'll give it a bonus point for that.
One thing that I couldn't help but get distracted by though, and this is just because I am the way I am, is what Jane looks like. Sure, there's a lot of people out there with big eyes and short, cropped hair, but the fact that in pretty much any shot where she's shown close up, she's doing jazz hands, dressed in a suit, has dark red lipstick on.........I couldn't help but draw my own comparison here. And it made the game SO much more interesting as soon as I did. ;)

The unedited version...

And my version. Much more interesting! (C'mon, you know you saw this coming!)

Overall though, the game is pretty fun. I wish it had been a little bit longer, but then, this type of game usually never seems to last long enough for me. I'm going to rate it a 7 out of 10 hotel chambermaids.