DS Review: Sally's Salon

Sally's Salon is, indeed, another time management game. Don't write it off so quitely though, it is interesting. As the name implies, you're playing the character of Sally, who's beginning to run her own salon. (Shocker.) You have to rush to keep up with all of your clients' requests and keep them happy, as usual. But there are a lot of different requests, all of which will only increase as the game progresses - everything from hair washing, haircuts, styling, dye jobs, moustache coloring, perms, manicures, pedicures, blow outs, adornments, eyebrow tweezing, spray tanning, etc etc...you get the idea. And you only have a very limited amount of time to do it all in. Naturally, you can (and will) buy upgrades as the game goes on, or else you won't be able to complete the game, for the demands become too many and too fast. You'll eventually enlist the aide of a couple of assistants, but even with them there, it's still pretty challenging to keep up.

Overall I liked this game, but I felt like it was too short. Other than that, I have no real complaints. I'm rating this a 4 out of 5 stars.

DS Review: Imagine Movie Star

You know, I've got to hand it to the people at Imagine. They seem to be good at one thing, and one thing only: taking careers that would otherwise be extremely exciting, and then turning them into THE most boring, pathetic, stereotypical excuses of said careers possible. (And then some.) For some reason - probably for the same strange mysterious reason I continue to return to the Imagine games time and time again, despite having a very negative track record with them - I had higher hopes for this. How could they POSSIBLY wreck something as exciting as movie stardom? Oh, they did. Did they ever... Let me tell you about it!

When you think of what the responsibilities of being a movie star entails, what comes to mind? Acting, probably. Maybe dealing with the paparazzi and fans. Let me tell you something... there is not one iota of acting involved in this game. At all. This may as well be Imagine: Paris Hilton because it seems that you're only famous for the sake of being famous. So what DOES this game involve, you may ask? Hahahahaha.....about that......

You pick out clothes. A *lot* of clothes. Just about every single level, you will be picking out outfits set to a very strict standard. Aren't celebrities supposed to have, y'know, stylists for that? Not here, they don't. And then just about every single level....no matter what it is you're supposed to be actually doing (be it dancing, posing for photographers, etc), all you do is tap colored shapes and follow around a long tail of....I don't know what. That's it. That's the whole game. It's TERRIBLE. How this title EVER got released in a million years, I will NEVER KNOW. I know that if I were a little girl and my parents bought me this? I'd probably play it for 5 minutes before trashing it in the bottom of the toybox, never to see the light of day again. Also, the graphics are terrible and the music is horribly, horribly annoying. 

Seriously, spare yourself the trouble. I would vote this ZERO stars if it were an option, it's that much of a stinker!!

DS Review: Winx Club: Quest For The Codex

You know, it is quite simple to say that a game is quite possibly the most boring game you've ever played, but all too often, we throw around that sentence too fluidly. It takes a special talent, if you will, to develop a game this badly.

Konami... you have let me down.

I've been aware for several years of that Bratz-wannabe cartoon series, The Winx Club. And even after sitting through about half a dozen episodes, I can safely say that this show is crap. And what's crappier than this show? This game.

In some land far away, there is apparently a land of pixies--no wait, fairies. (The pixies are their own entity, I forgot.) But they're not just any fairies, oh no. They're hip, valley girl fairies (except from the geeky one) who go to school and are essentially every teenage girl stereotype...plus wings. And super powers. Why? I'm not sure. Apparently there's a market for this. At any rate, you're obligated to fight your way through this game to.........actually, the storyline is so poor, I'm not even entirely sure what the hell you're trying to do here. Nor am I sure how the "powers" each fairy has has ANY bearing whatsoever on what little storyline they do give you of what you're trying to accomplish. (Example: you're going to open a locked safe "with dance magic"? Really?? You are not Jareth the Goblin King; knock it off.)

One of these - the only one of these - seems fairly plausible that it could be a legitimate gameplay for fighting your way through this game. You've got your little fairies, it's more or less a side scroller, and you shoot at demons or shadow beasts or whatever these weirdass things are, and each fairy has its own unique power up to fight with. Okay, fine. That's not so bad. Even if the whole game were like this...it would be dry, but not entirely bad. But that's where the decency ends....

The OTHER ways you fight through this game? Well, let me tell you. Since I mentioned it already, I'll start with the dance magic one. It's basically DDR for the DS....which, any DDR that doesn't involve a real dance pad, in my opinion, is pointless. Why bother, I don't know. But they threw it in. Then there's a similar DJ beats game....there's falling notes, and you have to match up the right instrument with the right key and get it at the perfect timing. (Yes, it's exactly as stupid as it sounds.) So there's that. There's one where you're trying to grow a vine plant, and bugs keep attacking it, so you have to kill the bugs before they kill your plant. There's one where you wire the circuitry of a computer (well....I guess this could come in useful). And lastly, one that is more or less a glitchy paddle ball where you have to draw your own paddles and have the ball bounce off it, aiming for pixies and gems.

Now, if these were typical mini-games, this would not be a problem. But they are the ENTIRE GAME. They make absolutely *ZERO* sense in how they tie in to your storyline, which really makes me think that Konami was trying to cheaply throw in as many mini-slices of different genres as possible to market to the girls who would buy this...and just failed miserably. And this game doesn't let you forget that it's based off a tv show, oh no. In between levels, you're constantly bombarded with the theme song and show bumpers from the series. If this isn't one of the poorest examples of advertising marketing, I don't know what is.

There's really nothing good whatsoever I can say about this game. Avoid it at all costs. Voting it a 1 out of 10 fairies.

DS Review: Tom and Jerry Tales

I remember, way back in the day, playing the NES Tom and Jerry game. I also remember, time and time again, getting beyond irrationally angry with the stupid thing because it was so impossible to play that I could barely ever even get past the first level.

This game? It's like that.

I don't know if it's just something about it being Tom and Jerry that screams out to game designers to make impossible games or what, but it sure seems to be a common theme I'm noticing. I did even worse here than on the NES one... I couldn't even pass the first level, isn't that pitiful? I consider myself to be a pretty decent gamer...not the world's best by any means, but I think I can hold my own all right. So why is this one so difficult? Even after following the tutorial exactly, it doesn't seem to help. Even with the on screen directions and following them to a tee, it tells me I didn't do them right. (I personally smell a glitch.)

This is all quite a shame, because even though the 3D graphics sure aren't the best ones out there, the style of this game really does the original Tom and Jerry cartoon series justice, and I was very much looking forward to seeing just where they went with this one. Oh well...

Rating this one a 2 out of 10 cartoon mallets.

DS Review: That's So Raven - Psychic on the Scene

You know, first impressions can be deceiving, especially if you judge a book by its cover... well, in this case, a game by its cover. Seriously, who would ever in a million years expect a That's So Raven game to actually be - dare I say it - actually pretty decent? I know I sure didn't.

This is another one of Disney Interactive's releases - yes, the same people who did that buttload of Hannah Montana video games. (Oh, don't get me started again...) As such, comparing this qualitywise? I'm guessing that it was made sometime around the same time as the first Hannah Montana DS game, since the quality is pretty comparable. Sure, the music is pretty lame, but the quality of the 3D is surprisingly decent, and a lot of the graphics throughout the game are of photographic quality. That earns it lots of bonus points right there for me.

The game plays out like a series of mini mysteries that take place over the course of about a week. The main one is that Raven saw in a vision that the local theatre is being sold and closed down. However, anyone who's ever seen the TV show knows that Raven's visions are half-baked at best, and that she only focuses in on about half of it until she's gone and tried to change destiny, at which point she'll have another vision that's actually accurate and makes her feel like an idiot. Such is the case in this game, and it happens with all the mini mysteries as well. Now, much like with the first Hannah Montana DS game, I'm also impressed with how well-written the dialogue for this was, and have to wonder if they used the show's scriptwriters. (Yes, having a little sister right in the target age range of that show makes one appreciate these things.) The game is pretty well involved; there's so many side stories and missions in addition to the main one that it'll keep you occupied for a good while.

I do wish that, in the navigational controls, that there were a way to run. It would make things SO much easier. But, the rest of the game is good enough to where I think even with this small annoyance, it still holds up.

What gets me is seemingly how Raven has more visions about what she should dress up as to scam whoever it is she's in the vicinity of to get away with whatever mission she's on. For this, it seems less like she's a psychic, and more like she's a con artist, but hey, what do I know? ;)

In the extras, this game does show its age a little... There's an actual TV spot commercial for when Hannah Montana first went on the air. (What a mind trip that was to watch.)

Surprisingly, even though it's a simple little Disney game, I'm going to rate this one highly. I'm giving it a 7 out of 10 psychic visions.

DS Review: Spongebob Squarepants: The Yellow Avenger

Admittedly, I've never quite understood the full appeal of Spongebob Squarepants. Perhaps this has something to do with the only times I've seen it, it always seems to be one of the same three episodes over and over again, that I didn't really even find to be funny to begin with...hmm. Regardless, I decided to at least try to give this game the benefit of a doubt here.

What an hour wasted.

Granted, this game is from 2005, when the DS was still relatively new on the market, and 3D platform games for a Nintendo system were practically unheard of still - note the almost complete lack of stylus usage in this game, it's almost all arrow pad keys. This wouldn't necessarily be such a problem (even with the graphics being extremely polygonal, poorly laced, and glitchy), except....... (insert pregnant pause)........you're limited to using only the left and right arrow buttons to navigate.

That's right. A 3D world that operates like an oldschool side-scroller. Oh sure, there's points where you're supposed to move forward and backward, but do the up and down keys work? NO. They don't. You press down, you duck. You press up, nothing happens. (WTF???) So, what to do? Oh... you stop in front of one of these directions, and apparently press left or right in whichever direction's closer. ............Yeah, that makes little to no sense to me either.

As for the actual plot, you're employed to help Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy save Bikini Bottom from The Dirty Little Bubbles. (Why yes, I do believe that's a double entendre.) This more or less involves jumping around on innocent victims' heads, then capturing the bubbles. (Oh yeah, that's real fun. Not.) Every time you see a jelly fish, you capture it and milk it for its jelly. Ummmmm......am I the only one seeing something not-so-vaguely phallicly referenced by that? >_> You have unlimited lives, but each time Spongebob dies, you pick up from wherever you started your last turn at, and you lose any and all progress you'd made on that turn. Ugh. I can't even BEGIN to tell you how frustrating this is, especially when the naviagational system makes things so damn impossible.

I feel like I'm being generous even rating this game this highly, but I'm rating it a 3 out of 10 Krabby Patties.

DS Review: Crime Lab - Body of Evidence

Never before has there been such an impressive game...and then such a let down.

As I was first playing this game, I was thinking to myself, Wow! This is the first game I've played in the longest time that doesn't suck! Given all the shovelware out there lately, trust me, these gems are few and far between.

The game itself in its nature reminds me a lot of the show Law & Order: Criminal Intent. You're a detective who's solving murder mysteries, and going to just about any lengths to do so. The artwork is great, the music is effective, I just like everything about how it works. Granted, the controls could be a tiny bit better...sometimes you touch something once and it doesn't do a thing, then when you go back to it, it does. But apart from that, it's pretty good.

Now, the letdown? I was very well involved in the storyline when I got to the level with the safecracking. I know I had the right code. I even doublechecked this numerous places online. Yet, no matter how many times I put it in, regardless of how I spun the wheel on that safe, no dice. I have to wonder if this is an antipiracy measure, as I was indeed playing a rom of the game, or if it was some sort of glitch or what. If it weren't for that, this game would probably have the most glowing, perfect review. However, as I haven't played a physical copy of the game, I'll try not to crack down too hard on it and give it the benefit of the doubt that its non-rom version probably works better. Therefore, I'm going to rate this game a 7 out of 10 body outlines.

DS Review: Betty Boop's Double Shift

I won't lie, I have an obsession with the jazz age, Roaring Twenties scene that won't quit. So I was more than a little surprised to see that there's a DS game involving Betty Boop...complete with 20's art deco right on the cover. I had a feeling just by the cover that this would be yet another Diner Dash knock-off, and truth be told, I was right.

It's not even a good knock-off. Any time you try and multi-task, it seems to gum up the works. There seems to be no real rhyme or reason to the line waiting outside the door at the club, if you take more than a couple of seconds to get to somebody to take their order, they change their mind and aren't ready to order after all, you can't change the music when it's needed, and that's just the tip of the iceburg. After each level, you're introduced to a musical interlude... if one could even call it such. You have to match up 4 musical notes one a screen, twice, and that's it. No particular timing or anything, just tap them in the right order. Nor do they even play a tune; you just hear the crowd cheering for you with every note you tap. Very odd.

Also at the start and end of each level, you have to hear that god-awful "Boop-ee-oop-ee-oop-ee-oop, boop boop ee-doop!" To the point where after only playing a few rounds of it, you're so annoyed with this damn thing that you want to throw your DS through a wall. (I assure you, no matter how tempted you are, it's just not worth it. Don't do it.) It's also VERY prone to freezing up entirely and it drives me NUTS. It's just not worth it for a game that isn't very good to begin with.

I just have to ask.... What genius felt that it would be relevent in today's world to make a Betty Boop game? Honestly, what market are they catering to? I don't think there is one. They were hoping for a niche, while at the same time latching onto someone else's idea. But they failed miserable in the process. I'm going to rate this game a 3 out of 10 boops.

DS Review: 12

Well now, here's an interesting little oddity of the DS game line if ever I saw one! It's entitled, quite simply, 12. Given the cover, I thought it must be a cheap Japanese release that got a US translation. Guess what? It's LICENSED BY NINTENDO. Wowwwww. If I didn't hold it in my hands rightn ow, I'd probably doubt this game's existence, as even just finding a photo of the cover for this review was like pulling teeth.

Even with a name so obvious as 12, it's rather vague and ambiguous - you don't really know what exactly you're geting. I, personally, was immediately thrown back to the mid-1990's; the era where the keychain digital pets prevailed. There was one in particular that I had which was a 12-in-1 pet, and the cover of this reminds me greatly of the box from that. I digress.

I can't quite decide if I love or hate this little game. In a way, it also reminds me of the oldschool computer games, those Klik n Play games that seemed to come as demo versions with all sorts of titles, but did anybody ever really buy them? These have a very strong vibe of those. The graphics are not very good; not horrible, but not good. Very simplistic as though this were intended for a toddler to play, even though these clearly weren't. The music, also, is almost gratingly annoying after about 30 seconds of listening to it. My suggestion is either turn your volume off on your DS, crank some music, or both. ;)

The opening menu itself already further perpetuates the true vagueness of this game. You appear to have a telephone touchpad (plus asterisk and pound signs, and a call sign and wrench symbol for options). There's no explanation. Just "press any button!". Um....okay. 1 seems like a good place to start...

I suppose the best way to review such a game as this would be to address each individual mini-game that this title comprises of, so here goes:

Lolli Rolling - .....Okay, unless "Lolli" also means "mouse" or something in Japan, I have a feeling that the Japanese have a lot of explaining to do here. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, just look up "lolita complex" on Google.) This game....it's very strange. You're controlling a little mouse who balances on top of a ball while juggling about 6 balls at the same time. (Oh Mr. Kruk, I'm having flashbacks to 8th grade gym class with you.) You mustn't let the mouse's ball hit any object on the floor, lest you fall and lose a life. At the same time, depending upon the speed you chose to play this game at, you'll have a row of letters scrolling down the right side of the screen. You have to hit the button on your DS that correllates with each letter in perfect timing with this, or else you'll drop one of your juggling balls. Lose all your lives, and it's game over. The oddity here is that upon game over, you put in your name in the oldschool arcade game high score table fashion, which doesn't make a lot of sense when chances are that you'll be the only one playing this game in the first place.

Fun Fishing - Despite the almost alarmingly low quality of graphics here, this is actually a pretty decent little game. I'm not quite certain if it would stand up to being its own release should the graphic qualitiy be improved upon, but if this were back in the GBA days, I have a feeling it could have easily held its own. It's surprisingly complex for such a simplistic game. It's exactly what it sounds like, a fishing game. The graphics look as thought they were pulled directly from a GBA Pokemon game. But there's various locations, different types of fish, all sorts of different items to stock up with at the market that affect your fishing capability, earned money from catching and selling each fish..... I could see where this easily could become quite an addictive little game!

FillLove - This game is somewhat like a vaguely date simulated based Dr. Mario premise...minus the pills. But the gameplay is about identical. There isn't much to say here. I thought the game was fairly boring.

Dice - I don't quite understand what you're supposed to do here. The game seems to be a weird hybrid of dice, dominos, and tetris. The problem with this entire game is that none of these games give you any directions on what you're supposed to do; they only give you the controls. Dislike.

Test Grill - I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but this game is a prime example of Engrish at its best. Practically every sentence is in SUCH broken english. The game, once you figure out what you're supposed to be doing, is actually pretty fun. You place as many pieces of food onto the board as you can fit, trying to crowd out the other player. You then eat your food as quickly as possible before it burns, or else you just wasted precious time and points. It's a little more complicated than it sounds.

Egg Adventure - This is one of the oddest platform games I think I've ever seen. You play the role of an egg that has to travel throughout level to level, trying to get back to its nest. You throw hay at enemies. You cannot jump. What sort of game is this?! I also cannot STAND how slowly the game moves on top of everything else. Next...

Mr. Oil - I'm quite confused by this game as well. It appears that you try to maneuver a hobo around to collect bottles to exchange for money while avoiding a bloodthirsty dog. ....Yeah, I don't get the point of this either.

Match 2 - Was there a Match 1? Regardless, this isn't your typical 'tap and match 2 cards' matching game. I think it might be match 3....although I can't seem to get past the first level, no matter what I do. Very confusing...

Bang Bang Balloon - This is basically a fancy worldwide dart-throwing competition. You stand on top of a platform while a friend inflates and releases helium balloons, and your aim is to hit as many balloons as possible. Reach the pre-determined score, and you'll move on to the next country's competition. However, for every balloon that you miss, you lose as many points as you would have gained. This isn't much of a problem the first few rounds, but it quickly becomes one when the speed increases and it's harder and harder to get the correct rhythm down. (I made it to Paris, for anyone interested.)

Moon - I have no idea why this is even titled Moon. Basically, you run aronud, tooting on a horn to wake up sleeping mice and guide them back to their mousehole. But watch out! A sneaky cat is on the prowl, looking to make away with a mouse if you don't scare it away. As you level up, the cat remains the same, but the mice change into different items or animals to match the background. It's very weird.

Kuo - Of course, we couldn't have a multi mini game extravaganza without a mindless shooter, now could we? *eyeroll* You're firing from a sea turtle at anything that hurtles your way in the ocean. That's about it. Real exciting, right?

Buffy Racing 2 - The Japanese certainly try to make anything sound cute, don't they? Here's a hint: buffalos aren't cute. Nor by calling them "buffies" will you make them cute. It's more of a horseracing type thing where you pick your buffalo and hope it's the fastest.


Overall......this game, unless you're about 5 years old, is probably not even worth wasting your time on, in my opinion. None of it is particularly grabbing or fantastic (the fishing game was the closest) and it seems more like a time waster if anything. Not even a time killer...time waster. This one gets a 4 out of 10 ninja stars.

DS Review: My Hero: Doctor

I know I've said it before, but I'm always a nerd for all the medical-based games. Soon as I know they exist, I go out of my way to do my damndest to procure a copy of it. Such was the case here. However, some are better than others...and this is not one of the very high quality games.

You're supposed to be interning at a local hospital, straight out of med school. You're immediately instructed how to give injections. This is a far more involved process than in most medical-based games. Bonus points for that. You're then tutored in ambulance driving. Now, I should tell you, this is what you'll be spending the majority of your game doing. A more appropriate title for this game would be My Hero: Ambulance Driver, or My Hero: EMT. You'll be briefed through comic strip format of some type of accident that has occurred. This is the scene you're racing to. This wouldn't necessarily be so bad....except, that no matter how well you drive, you're going to be swerving ALL over the road, and often get hit by other cars literally out of NOWHERE. It's maddening. You get to the scene, and - big surprise! - what you learned will now be implemented into action. After that, it's another drive back to the hospital. On to the next round. The process repeats, except that you additionally learn how to x-ray and identify fractures, bandage breaks, perform CPR, remove foreign objects from wounds and clean them, and in a few extreme cases, use a defibrillator.

What gets me is how incredibly short this game is. Since everything seems to be training, you keep expecting to get into the 'real' rounds of the game....and then you find out, this was the game, that's it. I was very disappointed with that, but what can you do? I also couldn't help but notice that it ripped off a few sound effects directly from other medical-based games. The whole thing seems to smack of shoddy quality and low budget-ness, and all seems to have been very quickly created. I feel that, had they have spent more time developing this game, it had potential to be pretty decent and might have even stood up to about the level of Lifesigns (to which I still wish there was a sequel). But as it was far too rushed, I'm going to have to rate this game a 5 out of 10 ambulance sirens. Very mediocre, very disappointing.

DS Review: 7 Wonders II

How odd is this? Merely days after writing my review of the original 7 Wonders game, I find out there was a sequel. After just how much I complained about it, it's amazing that I found enough interest drummed up to try out this game. For once, I was not completely disappointed!

Almost every single issue that I complained about in the last game? It's like they heard my pleas and fixed them. (Even though I wrote that review long after this game was released, I'm sure. ;)) The tiles are twice the size, there's more variety in what you do, new gameplay options, less distracting construction workers, less rambling on about history... just plain EVERYTHING is better about this game! The game itself is still rather on the short side though, which could be improved upon. I still finished it beginning to finish in approximately 3 hours, much like the original. For such a casual game though, that's not too terrible at all.

The most notable features here are the ones that were added specifically for this game. For this one, you collect map pieces as you clear the boards. Once you complete a map, it takes you to a bonus level, exclusively unlocked by these maps. You must get the specified piece cleared off the bottom of the board in a certain number of moves (it's different each time), and if you do, you win a massive amount of bonus points. And at the end of each level, there's another new feature: You're presented with a grid that has colored squares in it. Depending how many bricks you accumulated throughout the level, this determines how many squares you can move. The aim is to get each square to the top of the grid. As soon as you do, you've completed the wonder. It's a different way of going about things, but not necessarily bad.

Overall, not too bad of a game. The ending was a little bit of a let down, but hey, what can you do? Although, I am left with one lingering thought... If the first game was the 7 wonders of the world, what were these 7? As such, I feel it would be appropriate to rate this game a 7 out of 10 colored tiles.

DS Review: 7 Wonders of the Ancient World

7 Wonders of the Ancient World is a throwback to a time past, where civilizations made of stone conquered all, where boys were boys and men were men, where gem swapping games were still f--wait. Did I say that?

Unfortunately, it's all too true of this game though. I love a good Bejeweled-esque type game as much as the next person, but in my humble opinion, this game just doesn't quite make the grade. The whole premise seems to be a feeble attempt at being an educational game about the 7 wonders of the world. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. However. If you bought this game, the whole point was because you wanted to play puzzles. You'd probably like to unwind, and not really have to think about much of anything, as this is a fairly casual gamer type of a game. You don't want to read page upon page of boring history notes. If you did, you'd pick up a book. So there's a point against it in the first place. Secondly, I take issue with the main menu/opening screen of the game. There's a long menu down the right side of the screen with different play options. But for the actual regular game? Off to the left on a big glowing medallion. Now, given that menu, I didn't even hardly take notice of the medallion as anything other than decoration at first, so I kept clicking Rune Quest and Free Play, and driving myself nuts in that I couldn't figure out why, despite completing the level in the allotted amount of time and without losing lives, I couldn't progress past the first wonder. I very nearly almost wrote the game off at that. I felt really stupid when I realized that, not only was that medallion a button, it was the button to play the *actual* game. Another point docked down for confusion in layout.

This brings us to the actual gameplay itself. The very first thing I noted was how tiny - miniscule, even - each of the tiles on the board are. This makes precision very, VERY difficult; you often swap the wrong piece by mistake. (Another point down.) I feel that this game would actually work out better if it did NOT implement the use of the stylus, or, at the very least, gave an option to use the arrow keys instead. It might take a little longer to maneuver around with, but it would ensure precision, and any mistakes would be the fault of the user.

Also worth noting is that while you're playing the game down on the lower screen, the upper screen displays tiny little workers building the wonder with the blocks you're providing them by clearing them off the bottom screen. It's a nice touch. However, if you're ADD like I seem to be, you'll find yourself sitting there wanting to watch what the workers are doing while the time ticks away down the clock, and before you know it, the level's not done and your time's up. (However, I can't hold that against the game.)

Each wonder has approximately 8 levels to complete to finish it. Once you complete the wonders, there's a bonus 'wonder': Atlantis. It's not particularly hard though. Another thing I have against the game that I learned the hard way, on the second to last level of the game at that... Once you run out of spare lives? You don't have the opportunity to just do the whole wonder over again. No, it's GAME OVER, you start over from the VERY start. It's extremely frustrating.

On top of which, if you were to sit down and play the game beginning to end? It would only take you a few hours to do so, if that. (I had an insomniac night, started from the beginning of the game around 11 pm, and completed it by not quite 3 in the morning.) I guess it's just as well though, because despite the fact you're working on constructing different wonders, the game is essentially extremely repetitive and gets boring quickly. The colors of the tiles don't even change with the levels. Any sort of variety would have helped.

Ultimately, I think I'm going to rate this game a 6 out of 10 ancient construction workers. It's not the worst puzzle game I've ever played, but it's far from the best, either.

DS Review: Jane's Hotel

Ah, Jane's Hotel. Another PC to DS crossover that I saw coming a mile away. I remember playing the demo of the PC version the day it hit the Zone download site, and I can safely say that the DS version is more or less identical to this...except harder the maneuver, since you have such a tiny screen to work with, whereas on the PC, you have it all laid out before you and don't have to worry about scrolling. But, I digress...
This is the story of a little girl, searching, searching, for she knows somewhere, there is a someone for her--wait a minute, that's not it at all. (Pardon my Judy Garland diversion.) This is the story of a girl who dreams of starting her own hotel chain to live out the dreams of her grandparents. Thus, you start out with a small bed and breakfast and set out to turn this into the Plaza Hotel...or something like that anyway.
You run around, checking hotel guests in, then attending to their every need: wanting the phone, newspaper, coffee, their room vaccuumed, etc. Depending on how quickly you attend to them determines just how much they'll tip you. As you level up, you'll be unlocking new items...but also new needs. Everything from a restaurant to tv to wanting fresh fruit to having their dry cleaning taken in to having a pianist play for them to watering the plants in the hall to having you bring liquor to their rooms...you get the picture. This doesn't sound so hard, and for the most part, it isn't. It's mostly just the last couple of levels per hotel that you work in that you'll probably have to re-try a few times before beating.
TIP: Try to pair your actions off in chain reactions. You'll get more points for doing so, and in the later levels, this is often the only way of making hitting the daily cash goal attainable.

This game is another game in the realm of Diner Dash-esque time management simulation games...which, if you're into that sort of game, you'll probably love this. If you hate them, you'll hate this, simple as that. This one has a certain flair to it as it seems to have been designed by Brits....everybody in this game has an accent. (It's beautiful.) For that...personally, for me anyway, I'll give it a bonus point for that.
One thing that I couldn't help but get distracted by though, and this is just because I am the way I am, is what Jane looks like. Sure, there's a lot of people out there with big eyes and short, cropped hair, but the fact that in pretty much any shot where she's shown close up, she's doing jazz hands, dressed in a suit, has dark red lipstick on.........I couldn't help but draw my own comparison here. And it made the game SO much more interesting as soon as I did. ;)

The unedited version...

And my version. Much more interesting! (C'mon, you know you saw this coming!)

Overall though, the game is pretty fun. I wish it had been a little bit longer, but then, this type of game usually never seems to last long enough for me. I'm going to rate it a 7 out of 10 hotel chambermaids.

DS Review: Animal World: Big Cats

I know that I've made similar comparisons before to the oldschool MECC educational computer games with certain DS titles, but that would be insinuating that the game is good. Who remembers the old cheap knockoff titles that were more or less nothing more than an animated textbook, and therefore not very fun? Yeah... That's pretty much what you're getting here. Which is disappointing.

90% of this game will be spent reading factual information about big cats, their habitats, and the way they live. (Just like when you were in elementary school earth science class.) There's quite a few lovely photos to accompany this information, but facts are facts....and as such, all you're doing here is memorizing facts. Every so many 'pages' that you read, you'll be challenged to a sudden pop quiz. Oh, joy! Make this even more like school! (Way to rope in some of that good ol' fashioned test anxiety.) You don't really earn much of anything for getting the answers right, except maybe a pat on the back...from yourself. There's a couple of other mini games as well, if you'd call them that...a slider puzzle, a 'guess this animal' picture from a snippet of a photograph, and a race to see which big cat is the quickest... That's about it. Literally.

The graphics in this game are also a throwback to the old days of computer gaming; the sort of stuff you'd see on the old Macintosh computers in the computer lab where you'd typically play nothing above the ranks of Kid Pix, The Treehouse, and Word Munchers. Given the times... this just adds to how low budget and cheaply made this game must be to look like that. It also reminds me a tiny bit of those old "Really Wild Animals" videos that National Geographic put out in the late 80's/early 90's. ...Except without Dudley Moore as the awesome talking globe. And less fun.

If you're getting this through a rom for your kids to play, knock yourself out, but I can't think of any legitimate reason why anyone in their right mind would pay good cash money for this title. Rating it a 2 out of 10 jaguar cubs.

DS Review: Wedding Dash

This is another of those games that I played the PC version of first looooong before I even discovered there was a DS version of it. Unlike Diner Dash (despite being made by the exact same people and even having Flo as a secondary character), the PC and DS versions are actually quite similar.

The premise of the game is more or less the same thing as Diner Dash. Except that instead of running a diner this time, in this game, you're playing the part of a wedding planner. You must accomdate your patrons every demands; both from the way they want their wedding arranged (the type of cake, the honeymoon, the food, etc), but you have to take into account who want to sit next to who....and who they don't want to sit anywhere near as well. It's not a problem at first, but once you get into the higher levels, it becomes more and more of a challenge. Throw in other random outbursts such as catfights on the dance floor, the DJ booth getting unplugged, random swarms of bees, the cake falling over, the kitchen catching on fire, the groom's dog getting loose, Uncle Ernie getting trashed, Aunt Agnes getting weepy, and Bridezilla outbursts... It'll keep you busy in between trying to deliver each meal to each person and bringing their wedding gifts to the bride and groom's table. Also worth noting is that different types of patrons have different patience levels - some will be fine to wait a bit for their food whereas others, if you don't address them IMMEDIATELY, will throw a temper tantrum and cost you points over the ordeal.

I like very much the way in which this game plays out. It plays like both a puzzler and a simulation game at the same time, with a hint of action. Especially up in the higher levels, if you make one wrong move, you'll quite possibly throw the entire round and have to do it again...and possibly again after that. Strategy is key here.

The one thing I don't like about the game, although it's not the game itself's fault - this would probably work better on the DS XL, is that because of the size of the screen, the people on it are SO tiny and hard to move around as accurately as one would like. Same with picking up the right food trays. But it's not impossible, and not really *that* hard; it's just a minor setback. The one other thing I wish for this game is that it were longer...but perhaps this leaves the game open for a sequel? (Hint hint?)

Overall though, I liked it a lot, and I'm going to rate this one a 8 out of 10 wedding planners.

DS Review: Ready Steady Cook

If there's one thing I've learned over the course of my reviewing various video games, it's that one thing never works: TV show to video game conversions. Why is that? Who knows. But it never, ever seems to work.

This game is based off the BBC programme, "Ready Steady Cook" (just as the title implies). You learn to cook in five different ethnic cuisine styles: British, Mexican, Indian, Oriental, and Mediterranean. The quality of your dishes will be stacked up against those of another contestant, and whoever does a better job wins, quite simply enough. Now, the dishes are also subdivided (even under each cuisine title) into four categories, based on price, apparently: Budget, Classic, Bistro, and Gourmet. Here are the dishes you'll be making:


British:

• Creamy Pea Soup (Budget)
• Bread and Butter Pudding (Budget)
• Banana Smoothie (Budget)
• Sticky Toffee Pudding (Classic)
• Sweet and Sour Peppers (Classic)
• Cod Wrapped in Bacon (Classic)
• Eggs Benedict Royale (Bistro)
• Venison Burger (Bistro)
• Smoked Salmon (Bistro)
• Wafer Stacks (Gourmet)
• Stuffed Mushrooms (Gourmet)
• Sea Bass with Asparagus (Gourmet)

Mexican:

• Cannellini Bean Soup (Budget)
• Mexican Sandwich (Budget)
• Chorizo and Chickpea Salad (Budget)
• Black Bean Salsa (Classic)
• Spicy Tortilla (Classic)
• Burritos (Classic)
• Churros (Bistro)
• Tex Mex (Bistro)
• Quesadillas (Bistro)
• Red Pepper Tortilla (Gourmet)
• Chicken Chimichangas (Gourmet)
• Tuna Tortilla (Gourmet)

Indian:

• Lentil and Vegetable Dhal (Budget)
• Vegetable Curry (Budget)
• Chickpea and Potato Curry (Budget)
• Chilli Flatbreads (Classic)
• Chicken Biryani (Classic)
• Chicken Tikka (Classic)
• Samosa (Bistro)
• Lamb Chappati Rolls (Bistro)
• Sheekh Kebabas (Bistro)
• Fish Pokora (Gourmet)
• Prawn Curry (Gourmet)
• Fish Curry (Gourmet)

Oriental:

• Crab Cakes (Budget)
• Pak Choi (Budget)
• Pad Thai (Budget)
• Egg Fried Rice (Classic)
• Pork Spring Rolls (Classic)
• Pork Lettuce Rolls (Classic)
• Wontons with Jam (Bistro)
• Coconut Broth (Bistro)
• Stir Fried Prawns (Bistro)
• Oriental Duck Salad (Gourmet)
• Chicken Satay (Gourmet)
• Chicken and Noodle Goreng (Gourmet)

Mediterranean:

• Chilled Melon Soup (Budget)
• Parma Wrap (Budget)
• Ricotta Stuffed Figs (Budget)
• Glazed Carrot (Classic)
• Carrot Coriander Soup (Classic)
• Parma Ham Bruschetta (Classic)
• Italian Tomato Tart (Bistro)
• Pesto Spaghetti (Bistro)
• Aubergine Wraps (Bistro)
• Gazpacho (Gourmet)
• Flatbread Pizza (Gourmet)
• Tiramisu (Gourmet)

You'll spend this game cracking eggs, chopping, cleaning, cutting, dressing, deep frying, draining, filling, frying, grating, manually mixing, automatically mixing, opening cans, setting ovens, peeling, picking, seasoning, simmering, slicing, and squeezing foods in preparation to make each meal. Not all these steps will be done either realistically or anywhere even VAGUELY near realistically... for instance, to open a can, you tap on randomly appearing dots that show up around the rim of the can. Ummm.....the last time I opened a can, there were no dots nor tapping? :p Just like with draining food, I don't think you'll be catching food randomly falling from the sky into a collander and saying it's been drained... no, it doesn't work like that. So, take some of these steps with a grain of salt. What gets me is that there's so little instruction on how to do these things that even on the easy difficulty, I failed a *lot* of times before finally figuring out the tricks in how to accomplish what they wanted. (Which, to be fair, is probably a lot like how real life cooking goes.) Also, it doesn't give you enough time for almost any of the tasks. If they'd extended each round by even just a few seconds more, I think it would greatly help things. I do, however, like that there's an in-game cookbook that tells you how to make each and every one of these dishes in real life. So it's won bonus points for itself there.

I'd by no means call this a terrible game; it should probably be ranked right up there alongside the Cooking Mama franchise. Analytically speaking, however... I think I'm going to rate this one a 6.5 out of 10 collanders.

DS Review: All Star Cheer Squad

Loyal readers, I'll let you in on a little secret here: when I was in 7th grade, I was on the cheerleading squad at my school. (No, I will not post photos.) For as much as it always embarasses me to admit that fact, it seems odd to me that I always feel obligated to try out the various cheerleading video games...even if just to laugh at them. This one was released for both the DS and the Wii. Now, I don't have a Wii to test out that version on, but I bet it was MUCH better than its DS counterpart. The utilization of the Wiimotes as pom-poms makes it seem almost natural. Of course, it could only get so realistic without the cheers themselves...and I don't believe any of that was included in the game. However, this review is about the DS version, not the Wii one.

This game seems like it made sense on the drawing board as being engaging and fun. Somewhere in between the planning and the production of the game, however, it seemed to lose sight of both. I can look past the shoddy 3D graphics, I've come to expect that from DS games at this point. But things like the map...

I'll tell you one thing: THE MAP IS A LIIIIIIIIE. Honestly. If you just look at it and try to move around on the upper screen based on just what you see on the map, you'll never meet your destinations. They do NOT match up. Not in the least. It takes you until figuring out that you can tap locations on the map itself to get in the general vicinity (not even always arriving quite at the right place, just NEAR it), which is never even mentioned in the tutorial that you can do, to figure out transportation doesn't have to take about 10 minutes - real time - to figure out where you're going. I almost didn't make it past the second game day because of this fact.

The plot goes a little something like this: Your character is going to Cheer Camp this summer for a week with her cousin, who's a well-seasoned veteran of the camp at this point, and you're going just for fun. All too soon, you find yourself forced into being compared with your cousin, whether you like it or not, and are expected to live up to and surpass her reputation. One catch... When you're promoted to captain of the Wolf Squad (and I'm still mad I couldn't pick which squad I was on, I'd of picked Diamond squad), this ego quickly goes to your head in a matter of hours and instead of being the kind, helpful girl you were when you first started camp, you turn into a bossy, mean spirited, selfish person who only has her own success in mind instead of the team. You also start picking up the phrases and mannerisms of the rival top captain, whom everyone hates. Split personality disorder, much?

You'll be planning your daily schedule with the aid of your activity wheel. And just what is an activity wheel, might you ask? Well I'll tell you. It's basically a pie chart where you'll arrange and allocate your time into your daily tasks: free time, working out, practicing your moves, competitions, etc. Keep in mind that your free time isn't really "free" per se. You either have to practice your moves, or you have to go help people. Those are your options. (And I thought camp was supposed to be fun?) When you help other campers, you'll be sent on some type of wild goose chase, looking for a specific item. Some aren't so hard to find, whereas others are buried in dirt or sand - how are you supposed to see those?! Sure, you could blindly grope your way through each screen until you find it, but even when you see where it is? It won't necessarily register. Actually, you usually have to tap the correct location repeatedly about a dozen times before it will pick it up. It's ridiculous.

The music in this game is also atrocious. There's only one real song in the whole game...and it's a JONAS BROTHERS song. What the hell?!!? Another strike against this game, just saying. All the rest are ones made for the game, and every level of retarded. Let's try on these lyrics for size: "Better sit back cos I ain't gonna stop, that's my banana rollin' round the block!" (From the gem "Back of the Bus") They're ALL LIKE THAT. That's scarily enough probably the 'best' one (and I use that term loosely here).

I was really hoping this game would be a quick playthrough, but noooo. It drags out FOREVER. Which only further adds to my disdain with it. Oh well, what can you do, right?

Rating this game a 3 out of 10 pom-poms.

DS Review: Emma in the Mountains

You would think that after discovering just how bad and a waste of precious life I'll never get back that Emma At The Farm was that I'd never, ever touch another "Emma" game again. But no. I'm evidently a masochist for such punishment. (Plus, I think I picked this up with the other one at the same time, not knowing what it was.)

That aside - first thing's first. Why does this kid look nothing remotely like the one in the first game? Hell, why does the kid in the game not even look like the girl on the cover? (Developer fail.)

This game has even less of a clear-cut plot than the last one did. In this one....apparently there's some groundhogs, and they're missing - or we think they're missing, then it turns out they're just hiding from an eagle who wants to eat them, I don't know. And somehow you complete the story by taking place in a ski competition.

...Say what?

I'm pretty sure whoever wrote the "storyline" for this game was on drugs. Just sayin'. This game is also more difficult on a couple of the levels than the first game (although the rest of the levels are so mindless, it should barely count as a game). This is a game meant for toddlers (probably) and yet, I'm 25 and couldn't figure out how to win a couple of the levels and got so frustrated that I had to turn it off. (Even when I did figure it out? This does not seem like something a toddler could get the hang of.) Like with the other Emma title, you unlock bonuses as you go along...although I'd be amazed if anybody ever actually looked at them, they're so boring. (Yes, one of your bonuses are FACT SHEETS.) I don't know what they were thinking, but they really dropped the ball on this one. There's no way ANYBODY'S going to enjoy this game, let alone a little kid. (And I even let my toddler-age nephew give it a shot.) I'm giving this game a 1 out of 10 snowballs. Epic fail.

DS Review: Planet Rescue: Animal Emergency

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the cover of this game implies that you'll be working with exotic, safari type animals in this game. Lions, zebras, tigers, giraffes, you name it. Seems like an interesting shift from the usual vet games...

Your game starts up, and you have to watch a poor quality 3D animation of your animal shelter, where evidently you have a pet tiger cub. Don't ask me why. Nevermind that you bend down to pet a dog while this tiger is running at your heels. ....Is it just me, or would the tiger not just eat the dog while he's at it? Eh, whatever...

This is about as close to the game the cover portrays that you're going to get. You're playing the role of a vet who has her own clinic, who, just like every other vet game on the market, specializes in cats, dogs, and rabbits. But wait! Your first patient it...a baby tiger cub! Seems exciting. Except that this tiger cub never once becomes relevent again, despite the fact that you keep him for the whole game.

Basically, the plot is this: A lot of the animals living in the general area have been contracting mysterious patches of itchy spots on their bodies, and nobody can quite figure out what they are. They've been making the animals very sick, however, so this is a problem that can't be ignored. It's your job to eventually figure out what's going on. (I won't give a spoiler and tell you what it ends up bring, but I will tell you this: it's very predictable.) So you diagnose their ailments, treat them, nurse them back to health, the whole shebang. Nothing particularly new or groundbreaking here, folks. But then again, given the genre...did you truly expect there would be something?

As the game progresses, you'll learn to do housecalls for horses, and eventually be taken to the large rescue station to help wild animals...the extent being pandas, tiger cubs, grizzy bears, and baby seals. Now, how does that live up to the cover of the game? I have no idea. Especially since you'll get maybe 5 requests, tops, to help them at all.

For a young player where repetition is key, they'd probably love this game. For adults, though? It's just monotonous and boring. More or less just a waste of your time. Rating this a 4 out of 10 baby tiger cubs.

DS Review: Amazing Adventures: The Forgotten Ruins

So, I'm not going to lie about my age here - I was a child of the 90's. As such, much as basically any kid of my generation will remember were all the educational computer games from the software company MECC. These games were phenomenal for the times, although they all had a distinct style to them you could spot a mile away.

Guess what? I think this game may have had some of the same developers. I'm pretty dang sure.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try and solve an ancient Mayan code (oh, hello Mayaquest...) by deciphering their heiroglyphics. On the way, you'll be served up an educational storyline...which not going to lie, I didn't read much of because I just wanted to get on with playing the game.

Anyhow. 90% of this game is your typical I Spy style of game, which seems to becoming increasingly popular on the DS system. You're presented with a list of items that are often pretty expertly hidden in your locations you visit. There's 20 missions, but for each mission, there's about 3 to 5 levels on average. You'll be busy for a while.

Once you find everything on your list and complete the level, you'll be brought to the next one, where you have to spot 5 or 6 subtle differences between the top and bottom screens. Most of these are pretty obvious, but there's usually at least one you need to use a hint for.

After this, you'll get a puzzle slider. Just as the name implies (although I KNOW you all know what a puzzle slider is), you slide the tiles around until you re-piece the photo together.

You'll then be introduced to a matching memory game. It switches up... Sometimes it wants you to find perfect matches, sometimes it wants you to find similar items that are the same KIND of item, but still different...and sometimes it wants you to find related items, such as a screw and a screwdriver, a tire and a car, etc.

Finally, to finish up your level, a mah jongg type of puzzle... except that I don't think you can fail this one, so it's much less frustrating, but also much less strategic in its approach and means you won't be doing much thinking here. (And that's the entire reason I like mah jongg in the first place.)

The game is fairly straightforward, and more of just a good time-killer than anything. The graphics are fantastic, and the sounds and music aren't too bad either. The controls are a *little* bit touchy, but DS controls are hardly ever entirely accurate. You can't win em all. I'm not going to go and say that this is the best game ever, because it's not, but it's not bad either. I'm going to rate this one a 6.5 out of 10 Mayan temples.