Okay. Seriously, one of these days, I will learn to run away screaming any time I so much as see another Imagine title come out.Unfortunately, today is not that day.
That aside, this game confused me greatly. With a title such as what this has, was I in the wrong to have assumed (well, you know what happens when one assumes...) that this game was going to somehow be about school field trips? That's what it sounded like to me! Evidently, I wasn't even close. You're a teacher who's overseeing her class on some sort of month-long camping trip. Um... I'm not sure what kind of camping trip a teacher could take her class on for an entire month (here in America, it's standard protocol for 6th graders to attend a 1 week long 'outdoor school', but that's it), so this was the first puzzling point to me. Especially since the kids look and act no older than 3rd graders, tops. Anyhow, it's never discussed what the point of this trip is or anything - just that there's an evil rival teacher who wants to bring about your downfall. It's very strange. I also haven't quite figured out why the students refer to their teacher on a first name basis...
It won't take you very long at all to find out that these kids are downright BRATS. They talk, play video games, dance on the desks, etc. ALL during classtime while you're trying to teach. Try to give them a test, and they'll all try and cheat off one another. (Also, what's with all the bees everywhere that sneak into the classroom? I feel like I'm stuck in an Eddie Izzard sketch - "I'M COVERED IN BEEEEEEES!") Add into this that they're CONSTANTLY fighting with each other, which you have to break up each time, and bedtime is an absolute nightmare... They're divided into three bunks, and at any given moment, they'll be jumping on the beds, screaming their heads off, losing items, etc. You're stuck to calm their asses down and get them in bed, lights out, lock down time. If I'd of wanted to do this, I didn't need a game to do it, I could've just walked upstairs and dealt with my siblings instead. Unless the point was to try and show kids what they look like when they're being totally bratty to their parents, I have NO clue why they included this in the game. It's just irritating and re-affirms my decision that I never want to have kids of my own.
There's missions you have to complete each day which include things like running, fishing, singing, climbing, digging, pitching tents, etc. At first, they don't seem so bad, but they get very old and repetitious quickly, and it feels like you're just going through chores. Since this makes up the entirety of the game, sans for the lame dialogue scenes, it seems like they could've added more variety to things. What about the typical camp activities, like arts and crafts, or canoeing, or archery? None of that's included here, and it's disappointing to me.
The climbing scenes, after the first few levels, begin to send out obstacles like birds pecking at your students heads, or snakes dropping down out of the trees and attempting to strike your students. Um, excuse me.... If you KNOWINGLY sent these kids to climb up trees that you KNOW there's snakes in, this spells out only one thing in my book: LAWSUIT!!!
The waterfall scenes don't seem much better. In addition to the waterfall itself looking like it was something that was drawn in MS Paint (surprisingly, it's about the only part of the game that I have an issue with the graphics on - this had strangely good graphics for an Imagine game), while you're trying to fish - and in such an odd fashion, might I add; who just holds a net in a waterfall and hopes for fish to land in them? - much debris comes flying over the waterfall as well. Flower pots, paint cans, fat kids... Unless this was a social commentary on how bad pollution is for the environment, I don't quite see the point of this either.
Both in the digging and tent pitching levels, you're bombarded by snakes and crabs who try to undermine your efforts. All you're left to fend yourself with is a measly fly swatter. I don't see how a fly swatter would help you fend off either of these creatures, seeing how smacking either of them with one would just piss them off and make them MORE likely to attack in real life, but I digress. Bad planning on Imagine's part.
The marathon races are pretty strange too. You'll have to crank a siren, blow a whistle (which always made me dizzy as hell trying to keep it up for long enough - asthmatics, beware), crank a noisemaker, clap a pair of oversized foam hands, blow an airhorn, amongst a few other things to try and make your kid run faster. Your secret weapon: CANDY! Oh yes. Teach them that sugar highs will win games! *FACEPALM* Honestly, what were they thinking? WERE they thinking? I don't think so.
And then there's the singing levels. Oh GOD, how I cringed at these. The 'singing', as it were, is nothing more than a poorly emulated "laaaa" sound from a midi program. (I used to have software to make such files with and remember the sound effects for voices perfectly. This sounds JUST like that did.) They also sing badly, even for kids. Add to this that the faces they make while singing looks like someone's coming at them with a chainsaw and they're screaming for their lives, and it's really not a fun level to have to play over and over.
After you sit through the horribleness that is this game? You find out there's NO ENDING.
Read that again.
NO. ENDING.
You just wasted hours - possibly DAYS - on this retarded game, only to find that there's no ending, no tying up loose ends, just a 'free play' for you to use. Why, pray tell, would you WANT to still play the same things OVER AND OVER that you've already been doing for the past who knows how long and driving yourself crazy with? No. Just, no. Skip this title, guys. Do it for your sanity.
2 out of 10 bratty students.
No comments:
Post a Comment