DS Review: My Dress Up

The companion game to My Make-Up, My Dress Up is another title put out by the Oxygen line of games. Unlike My Make-Up, this one isn't practically impossible to play. Rather, it seems to have the opposite problem... it's so mind-numbingly boring that it's almost impossible to stick with for long.

Instead of coordinating different makeup and hairstyles, you're coordinating outfits. Shirts, pants, shoes, socks, dresses, belts, purses, hair accessories, earrings, necklaces, bracelets... Which could be decent enough if you didn't have to scroll through each item, one by one, to find what it is that you're looking for. If they were on a grid showing maybe 8 items or so at a time and you could scroll through different pages of items, it would have been a much better interface and much less frustrating. This seems like little more than the online doll dress up games that have been floating around for over a decade. You have to create different outfits for different scenarios (such as a beach day or a fancy dress party). Depending on how well you create the look, your client will either be happy or disappointed. (Your failures aren't met with as rude of reactions in this game as the other.) Your clients will earn your friendship over time and periodically send you messages about their everyday lives on your PDA, and that's about the only extra to this as opposed to online dollmakers. In small doses, this game is alright, I suppose. But trying to play it for any significant period of time, you'll find yourself being driven nuts by it. (The loading screens also take even longer on this game than on My Dress-Up.) Add to this that the girl on the loading screen resembles Barbra Streisand, and you have a fairly disagreeable mixture going on here.

I can't really say that I particularly loved or hated this game, so I'll go middle of the road and give it a 5 out of 10 models.

DS Review: My Make-Up

I'm just going to throw it out there, make-up games are quite possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to the video game industry (well...aside from the Imagine games, of course). Ever since it was realized that there was a female audience, they've been making these. And remaking them. And re-remaking them, and so on and so on. But really, how much can you do to make sure a game original at this point? Not much, that's what. It's pretty much impossible to make an enjoyable one...and this is no exception.

First, let me note that the game jacket says that this game is for ages 3 and up. I will now also inform you that any parent who buys this game for their young child is a sadist. The way in which you're expected to apply the makeup is fairly realistic... to the point where you may as well just hand them your real makeup kit. If they're not good at drawing, they'll fail miserably here. Even worse if they can't color inside the lines. (And what three year old can?) And that's just the regular makeup. Most of the makeover requests you'll be receiving, you're expected to do facepainting. ...Excuse me, WHAT? No. This is bull. Especially since your actual artistic capabilities here are being severely challenged. For someone who'd normally venture to say she's a pretty good artist, I wasn't expecting this to be much of a problem. However, drawing on the DS has always been difficult, and I suppose probably always will be. And when you get it wrong? The clients are downright RUDE to you. For a little kid, I suppose this might be devastating to them. (At least the sensitive ones anyway.) On top of that, you're also at the mercy of slow loading screens every single time you have to do anything, pretty much. This was more aggravating to me than practically everything else put together here. I wasn't able to test out the wireless function since I don't know anyone else with this, so I had to stick to the game itself. And it's really not much of a game, at that. I'm pretty sure it's open-ended and there's no actual ending to it, but I'm not going to play it for months just to find out. I'm giving this 2 out of 10 lipstick tubes.

Nostalgia Corner: Austin Powers - Oh Behave! (GBC)

Back when I was a 14 or 15 year old girl when this game came out (oh yes, I just aged myself big time by saying that), I was all sorts of excited. I loved Austin Powers, I loved video games, what could be better? (YEAH BABY! *cough* I'm alright. Really.) Apparently...a lot of things. Things that aren't this game.

My parents wouldn't buy the game for me not because they thought Austin was too vulgar or anything...they just thought he was "too stupid". (In retrospect, they're right.) My cousin, on the other hand, had both this and the Dr. Evil game that came out at pretty much the same time. I asked her if I could borrow it. Her reply?

"No, you don't want to."

"Why not?"

"It's too stupid."

.....Okay, did everybody just hold a meeting behind my back and come to a mutual decision that Austin Powers deserves a Darwin Award or something? I couldn't understand it. Unlike my parents, my cousin was an Austin fan! Why would she feel that way about the game? Try as I might, I couldn't get her to loan me the stupid thing. It wasn't very long before I forgot about it and never really gave that game another thought.

Until about a week ago.

Having finally learned how to do GBA emulation, that in turn led to figuring out oldschool Game Boy and GBC emulation as well, and guess what I ran across again in my travels? That's right. That old Austin Powers game I'd long since forgotten about. I downloaded it straight away before anything else.

Now I wish I hadn't and would have left well enough alone.

First off: this game had a teen rating. For some of the racier language in it, I can see why, but I don't think ANY teen would realistically enjoy this game. It is, dare I say it.......... "too stupid". And not just because it's horribly dated and the graphics are horrendous. I mean there is very literally almost no real game here. Here's a rundown:

When you turn on the game, it cycles through this mock-DOS loading sequence, complete with such ridiculous commands as: "Trendy Shagadelic Virus Guard Engaged", "Diskette Drive A: I like those figures 38-24-36 Oh behave!", "Display Type: I like the way you look, baby! It's very shagadelic!", "Serial Ports: Well connected baby! Have you topped and tailed?", and so on and so on. It clicks by so fast that it's no doubt the ONLY way they got past the ratings censors, I'm pretty sure. (I pity any kid's parent who unknowingly bought this game for them and ended up having to answer a million awkward questions thanks for the dialogue.) Then we're brought to a screen that mimicks the old Windows 98 opening screen (remember with the flying Microsoft flag in front of the clouds? You know you do...)

We are then plopped into what I can only describe as an assault on our senses. Horribly MIDI-fied music of....I don't know if it's even supposed to be anything, it's that unrecognizable. And the screen itself is every neon color, turned up full blast, full contrast. There's a very grainy 'video' (more like an animated .GIF file) of Austin making faces in the lower right corner of the screen, and it takes a moment to realize that you are, in fact, in the desktop of what's supposed to be Austin's computer. (Horrifying, isn't it?) There's 3 folders down the side; one with a die, one with a Game Boy, and one with a calculator. There's also a large male symbol in the lower left corner you can click as well as a small circular button beside it that simply reads "MOJO". This layout sure doesn't tell you a whole lot about what you're supposed to be doing, does it? Let's explore.

Clicking on the folder with the die will take you to the Games screen. Down the lefthand side of the screen, we again see three icons: the top being a rock, a paper, and a pair of scissors (gee, I don't know what game THAT might be!), the one below it looks like a primitive maze, and the one below that appears to be either tic tac toe...or bingo. Or some strange hybrid of the two. I don't know.

Selecting the Rock, Paper, Scissors game takes you to just what you think it will. You choose your opponent, you choose your move, and there you go. Unfortunately for you, they give you SUCH a brief time to figure out what you're going to do that more often than not, you'll miss your whole turn in a matter of mere seconds. More frustration than it's worth.

That maze-looking icon? Oh, it is. And it's just as terrible as you'd imagine it to be.

And for that bingo/tic tac toe hybrid? It's evidently a game entitled Domination. It's sort of like tic tac toe and chess put together. Actually, it reminds me more of the old 7-UP NES game Spot from forever (okay, 20 years) ago, where you had to fill the board with dots, and your opponent would jump yours to turn them their color, and you'd go back and forth to see who could get the most dots in their color by the end of the game. This is the SAME EXACT THING. Minus the cute factor and with much worse graphics. So what else is there?

We head back to the main desktop and click upon the calculator icon, and it brings us to a folder entitled, simply, "Groovy Stuff". Pity that not really one thing in there actually is groovy... All you'll find here is another 3 icons, Sounds, Cursors, and Color Schemes. These are all pretty self-explanatory...and as I already mentioned, these are very much un-groovy. What a waste of space.

Back to the desktop again, that brings us to the last of the folders. This one is simply Programs. Ah, but if there were any actual programs here, we might have something! These days, we'd refer to these as apps... at best. (I'm being generous here.) So now we have Austin's Pad, Internet, and the Shagulator. Wait....wait, wait, wait. We have Internet on this thing? This might not be so bad after all! Very much unlike myself, I explored something out of order and skipped straight ahead to the Internet app--I mean, "program". I don't know why, exactly, I had any high expectations here...about the closest thing to the real internet this function has is making mock dial-up sounds as it "connects". All this basically is is an excuse to tie the movie cast and such into the game in a very craptastic web 'browser'. How disappointing. I would've done SO much more with this, had I been the game's designer. But I'm not, so oh well.

Austin's Pad seems to be nothing more than a really primitive messaging system. I don't think there was ever a way to actually send said messages to and from each other... Maybe through the link cable. And an option to print with the gameboy printer. Another very overrated function of this game, along with the Shagulator....which is just a 60's looking calculator.

So, where is the actual GAME in all this? It's actually a little bit tricky to find. You have to click on that male symbol in the lower left corner of the desktop, and when it brings you to its screen, there will be a menu at the top of the screen with the options of Platform Game, Austin's Pad, and Sounds. Select Platform Game, and it will bring you to the actual game. For all the work it takes to find it, though... it's SO not worth it. It's a typical platform game, if you will...no, literally, you're jumping to and from platforms, collecting items, and diving through the time machine. That's it. That's the game. ...REALLY? Lord. I am SO glad I wasted no actual money on this trash.

I doubt that, this late after the fact, anyone would be going out of their way to track down this game, but just on the off-chance that you would? Don't. Just, don't. Trust me....it's too stupid. 1 out of 10 nerdy little Brit boys.

DS Review: Oktoberfest - The Official Game

What better a time than October to try out and review such a game as Octoberfest? ;) Now, while I'll admit that my "vast" knowledge of Germany really doesn't span anything outside of what I learned from Cabaret, and that I have no idea whether the mini-games in this game are anything even vaguely similar to those of real Oktoberfest, when I hear the word "Oktoberfest" it brings to mind a very vivid visual image of beer, frankfurters, yodelers, and beer wenches. Stereotypical? Yes. But, as I was about to find out, so is this game!

Evidently, you start out the game as a typical German peasant (I guess?) and you have to play and win mini-games to win evolution points, leading up to the evolution into a Bavarian. What's a Bavarian? Who knows?? They never made this too clear....and I never did find out, as I ended up being a couple points short and never was able to manage to attain them. Anywho, first thing's first: anyone remember what I said about the electronic accordian in the Animaniacs game and it probably being the only game ever to use one? I take it back. This game also does. Given the subject matter of the game, it's fitting, but it's a little overwhelming in the over-immersion into German culture RIGHT off the bat. Next, you're playing in a place called the Wiesn Rally. ...I was honestly beginning to wonder if this game was even going to be in English or not. (It is, don't worry.)

Upon choosing whether to play as a blonde, buxom frauline or a short kraut with a crazy moustache and suspenders, you'll be brought to the Wiesn map. You'll find there 7 mini game and 3 food stations. On the top screen is your character, your name, your beer stein and how much you've drank (if it empties, you'll lose an evolution point!), along with your evolution points. To refill your beer stein (it empties as you play the different mini-games), you'll have to either drink some beer or eat pretzel and frankfurters. Which would be great...except that if you keep losing games without winning any in between, if you use up all of these, you're kind of screwed. (I learned this the hard way. Word to the wise.) The streets on which the festival is being held are even over the top stereotypically German: Wirtsbudenstr. and Schaustellerstr. Wow. Just wow.

You can choose to play the Bavaria quiz (good luck on that one; either you need to know this info already, or learn the answers as you get them wrong and view the right answers), Waiters (which is essentially just a German version of Root Beer Tapper), Directing (but not the directing you'd figure this to be... you're "directing" an orchestra), Finger wrestling, Ring the Bell, Schuhplattler folk dance, and Ghost Train. Not exactly all things you'd associate with Oktoberfest, ya know? Whatever. Let me go though them one for one (minus the Bavaria quiz, since I've already said about all there is to say on that).

* Waiters really is just like Root Beer Tapper...except that instead of being behind the bar, sliding the beer glasses down to your customers, you're expected to carry a bunch of beer steins all at once, weave in between VERY rude tourists who'll slam into you and make you drop glasses every chance they get, and try to serve these to your customers before they get angry and leave. Easier said than done.

* I thought I would be really good at Directing. I'm usually awesome at all the rhythm-based music games. Unfortunately, in this one, if you so much as make a tiny mistake, it can make enough difference as to whether or not you'll have enough points to pass the level. And it's not just as simple as you either hit the note or not (on top of the vagueness of what exactly you're aiming to do); if you don't get the timing 100% perfect, you'll only earn an increment of the points you would have otherwise. The only one I found beatable, for this reason, was the very first difficulty.

* Finger Wrestling: This doesn't sound like it should be THAT hard, right? Wrong. Until you catch onto what exactly you're supposed to do, you're going to waste a lot of beer. You aren't doing much of anything that directly affects the strength of your finger. You're supposed to interpret the signs written on the paper in front of you, and to quickly write the correlating number that goes with it. Unless you're fast, your opponent will get an advantage on you. Add to this that the symbols that go with each number swap around EVERY time, and pretty much you have to depend on being fast to accomplish anything here.

* Ring the Bell: Well, after I got over my initial giggling over thinking of Liza Minnelli's "Ring Them Bells" (sorry, little joke...'bout this big), I found that this game is probably THE most difficult one in the game. I had to wonder how exactly that game where you hit the target with a mallet to try and ring the bell at the top of the guage would work out the strength aspect... You can't really just slam your DS touchscreen without killing it. :p So this was curious to me. Turns out, you have to rub the strength guage back and forth fast as you can to fill it, and then just as quickly hit the target when the dot centers with the bullseye. Unfortunately, it moves all over the place very quickly, so getting it that accurate is near impossible. You're depending on luck here.

* Schuhplattler Folk Dance: Oh my. We're back at Cabaret now. (Told you my only German "knowledge" came from that movie!) At least we have something I'm vaguely familiar with now thanks to that! It's pretty much the 'slap dance' you may have heard of at some point in time. You have to memorize the patterns and get the timing right in this game. Not that hard until the final level.

* Ghost Train: Imagine, if you will, that the Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion rides at Disneyland/world spawned forth a vile bastard child of a ride. That's pretty much what this is....with no pirates. The ghosts also remind me of Boos from the Mario games (except that their 'scary' noise is just them going, quite lackadaisily, "blah."). That's what this is. You have to dodge the ghosts by swatting them away (uh....what? I thought you couldn't touch a ghost?) while catching mystery flying pretzels and chicken in the air. .....I think somebody dropped too much acid before going on the ride personally.

That about sums the game up. I have no idea how it ends since I was never able to manage to collect all the evolution points, so I don't know if there's further levels beyond these or not. Overall...well, I can't say this game was even overhyped because I saw zero advertising for it. I'd say that if you're the German equivalent of a Japanophile, go for it, you might just love it (or, you'll be offended by the stereotypicalness). Otherwise, just skip this one and save your time for something you'll enjoy more. I'm rating this a 5 out of 10 fraulines.

DS Review: Science Papa

Now here's an interesting title! I know that pretty much anyone and everyone has played at least one of the Cooking Mama games, and just as the name would imply, it is similar in both style and gameplay to those games...just reverse the gender roles and place the game into a laboratory instead of a kitchen.

The premise is pretty simple: you're playing apprentice to the world's top scientist as he teaches you to conduct various experiements to achieve different results. For instance, your first mission is to create some soap for the bathroom. Sounds simple enough, but as you'll be quick to learn, there's many more steps to this process than you'd expect. So goes the entire game. As you earn more reputation and money, you'll be able to unlock and purchase newer and more innovative lab equipment to make your job easier, which in turn will unlock new experiments to carry out. All of these lead up to 5 world-renouned science competitions you must take part in and try to win the coveted Helix award.

Overall, the gameplay isn't too difficult - but is it ever in a Cooking Mama game? I forgot to check and see if this was made by the same company or if it was a knock-off, but either way, it succeeds in being similar without being a full out rip-off or anything. The graphics are pretty good as far as the style the game is in is concerned - the actual experiments are done in 3-D while the characters are 2-D. Somehow though, this works out. My only complaint is that most of the game's length is used up in repeating and re-repeating the same experiments over and over again to try and earn enough reputation and money. Why not have more original experiments that you only have to perform once or twice instead of the same dozen or so that you have to repeat about just as many times as there are projects, essentially? That part didn't make too much sense to me.

I am glad, however (at least for copycat children's sake) that they didn't use REAL methods of conducting these experiments. They all looked legit enough for someone who isn't all that into the science field, but for anyone with some real knowledge of chemistry, you could nitpick this all day.

Overall though, I think it's a pretty good game, and I'm going to rate it a 7 out of 10 science beakers.

DS Review: Happy Cooking

This must be some type of record for me, reviewing three Imagine games in a row. Oh? What's that? You don't see the Imagine logo on the box? Check out the UK release of the game. They dropped the brand from the title... perhaps so that it woudn't get lumped in as shovelware?

Anyhow, as you probably guessed by the cover alone, this is the sequel to Imagine: Master Chef. Lisa is a little bit older this time around (not to mention, she appears to have new parents...) and instead of working with the Rachel Ray knock-off, Lisa's entering a cooking competition this time, and is receiving help from an even higher up world-renouned chef. The game plays out pretty much exactly like Master Chef did, except that it feels like something is lacking this time around...I can't quite put my finger on what, but it seems to have somehow lost that magical childhood charm that made the first game so lovable. But as long as you're not feeling nostalgic for a similar storyline to the first game, you'll probably like this game just fine. You have the following dishes to prepare:

• Tuna Sandwich
• Spaghetti and Meatballs
• Hotcakes
• Salisbury Steak
• Barbeque Ribs
• Pork Chops
• BLT
• Shrimp Penne
• Prime Rib
• Spicy Tofu
• Chicken Katsu
• Hamburger
• Beef Stroganoff
• Banana French Toast
• Chicken Marsala
• Lotus & Shrimp Potstickers
• Pizza Margherita
• Spaghetti Carbonara
• Maple Teriyaki Salmon
• Beef & Broccoli
• Meatloaf
• Onion Rings
• Garlic Toast
• Sunny-Side Up Eggs
• Ratatouille
• Corn Fritters
• Greek Salad
• Potato Salad with Broccoli
• Buffalo Wings
• Chinese Chicken Salad
• Potstickers
• Rice
• Fried Chicken
• Coleslaw
• Minestrone
• French Toast
• Garlic Toast Caesar Salad
• Corn Soup
• Chocolate Cookie
• Consomme
• Colorful Salad
• Chicken Noodle Soup
• Baked Apple
• Hash Browns
• Custard Pudding
• Cobb Salad
• Tomato Soup
• Macaroni Gratin
• Fried Apple Pie
• French Fries
• Egg Soup
• Spinach Butter Saute
• Cheese Cake
• Potato Cream Soup
• Strawberry Yogurt Cream
• Coffee
• Orange Juice
• Black Tea
• Jasmine Tea
• Milk
• Hot Chocolate

Nothing particularly new here, but if you're into cooking games, then this isn't too terrible. I'm rating this a 6 out of 10 spatulas.

DS Review: Imagine Detective

Know how I normally do nothing whatsoever but bitch about how bad the Imagine line is? Forget all that for a moment - or at least, for the duration of this review.

While I won't lie to you and tell you that this is a fantastic game or anything, I can tell you that it's considerably better than the usual tripe Imagine releases, and if you're looking for the better titles they've put out, this would be one of them.

In addition to not basing itself around a stereotypical feminine career path (unless you count Nancy Drew), may I just say that I LOVE the jazzy music they use for this game? (If there's one thing I'm a sucker for, it's jazz.) Any game with a cute cat as a sidekick earns even more bonus points. You go and name that cat Ozzy, and well... the levels of awesome are off the charts! (Especially when this cat has THE best attitude ever.)

Ignoring the fact that your character looks absolutely nothing like the chick on the box (she's a blonde and the girl on the box is a brunette, as you can see), the animation style in this game is superior to most of the rest of the series. I was quite surprised, to say the least! Sure, it's very comic book style, but I love it!

As for the game itself, think of it as Nancy Drew mixed with a hint of Phoenix Wright, as if it were watered down for little girls. An interesting combination, if I do say so myself. You're a detective who must collect clues and figure out mysteries, obviously enough. There's plenty of mini-games and searching for clues packed into the game to keep things interesting though. Even on the "easy" difficulty, there's an element of challenge to this that the other Imagine games don't possess. Maybe the company is finally starting to figure things out? One can only hope. There's even fight scenes which, for lack of better wording, give a whole new meaning to the term "fists flying". (You'll see what I mean if you play it.)

One of the only things I didn't like about the game is the navigation of the map. it's not TOO terrible, but it doesn't always move in the direction you want it to, and it takes a bit longer than you might like it to to reach your destinations. A small flaw in an otherwise pretty decent game. My other gripe is that you're unable to pause during mini-games but again, this is just a minor set-back. (I often play while multi-tasking, but for the age-range this game's intended for, that probably shouldn't be a problem.)

There's just one thing that puzzles me: The game ends on a "To Be Continued..." note where you're supposed to rendevouz with your character's father. I don't know if this means there's another mission you need to unlock in the game or if there's another game coming. What I did notice is that there's a special area to type in a code... Where do you get this code, and what does it do? Hmm... another mystery to solve!

I'm going to go ahead and give this game a glowing review of 7 out of 10 dectective's magnifying glasses.

DS Review: Marker Man Adventures

It's not too often that I encounter a game that's so terrible, I can't even play it. Even with skullnumbingly boring titles, I'll usually sit through it and stick it out for the duration of the game to give it a fair shot. Most bad games usually still have some redeeming factor. But then, there's others like this one that I can't even say that about.

On the heels of Drawn To Life, this seemed like an intriguing concept. But here's the problem: You're dropped directly into the game with NO tutorial or even a clue of how to play whatsoever. Through trial and error, you'll find that you're able to jump, and that you can draw basic shapes of circles, squares, triangles, rectangles, and straight lines in which to aid your navigation (which could be considered "unpredictable" on a mild day, at best) throughout the world. For each shape drawn, however, it draws away from your health points, as do the usual hazards such as running into enemies, falling on spikes, etc. You can erase what you've drawn for extra health, but it will use up your markers, which are too few and far between to depend on. So, how exactly DO you play this? Who knows! I searched high and low on Google for walkthroughs, tips, ANYTHING... and apparently everyone's come to the same conclusion: this game is virtually unplayable. What a waste. Should you be skilled enough even to progress past the first level somehow? That's okay - you won't make it far. See, this game is set up like the old NES games... If you die, you aren't returned to the same spot, or even the beginning of the level. Oh, no... You're returned to the start of the GAME. And with the navigation being as iffy as it is? It doesn't matter how many times you play it through. It doesn't make it any easier. Much of the problem lies in the fact that about 9 times out of 10, your shapes and lines will not register. You can sit there and draw them over and over for god knows how long before it'll finally show up. If you're lucky, it'll be the shape you were trying for. Chances are, it won't be.

The concept of this game was good, but in execution, it fails. Hard. Giving it a 1 out of 10 stick figure men.

DS Review: Imagine Teacher Class Trip

Okay. Seriously, one of these days, I will learn to run away screaming any time I so much as see another Imagine title come out.

Unfortunately, today is not that day.

That aside, this game confused me greatly. With a title such as what this has, was I in the wrong to have assumed (well, you know what happens when one assumes...) that this game was going to somehow be about school field trips? That's what it sounded like to me! Evidently, I wasn't even close. You're a teacher who's overseeing her class on some sort of month-long camping trip. Um... I'm not sure what kind of camping trip a teacher could take her class on for an entire month (here in America, it's standard protocol for 6th graders to attend a 1 week long 'outdoor school', but that's it), so this was the first puzzling point to me. Especially since the kids look and act no older than 3rd graders, tops. Anyhow, it's never discussed what the point of this trip is or anything - just that there's an evil rival teacher who wants to bring about your downfall. It's very strange. I also haven't quite figured out why the students refer to their teacher on a first name basis...

It won't take you very long at all to find out that these kids are downright BRATS. They talk, play video games, dance on the desks, etc. ALL during classtime while you're trying to teach. Try to give them a test, and they'll all try and cheat off one another. (Also, what's with all the bees everywhere that sneak into the classroom? I feel like I'm stuck in an Eddie Izzard sketch - "I'M COVERED IN BEEEEEEES!") Add into this that they're CONSTANTLY fighting with each other, which you have to break up each time, and bedtime is an absolute nightmare... They're divided into three bunks, and at any given moment, they'll be jumping on the beds, screaming their heads off, losing items, etc. You're stuck to calm their asses down and get them in bed, lights out, lock down time. If I'd of wanted to do this, I didn't need a game to do it, I could've just walked upstairs and dealt with my siblings instead. Unless the point was to try and show kids what they look like when they're being totally bratty to their parents, I have NO clue why they included this in the game. It's just irritating and re-affirms my decision that I never want to have kids of my own.

There's missions you have to complete each day which include things like running, fishing, singing, climbing, digging, pitching tents, etc. At first, they don't seem so bad, but they get very old and repetitious quickly, and it feels like you're just going through chores. Since this makes up the entirety of the game, sans for the lame dialogue scenes, it seems like they could've added more variety to things. What about the typical camp activities, like arts and crafts, or canoeing, or archery? None of that's included here, and it's disappointing to me.

The climbing scenes, after the first few levels, begin to send out obstacles like birds pecking at your students heads, or snakes dropping down out of the trees and attempting to strike your students. Um, excuse me.... If you KNOWINGLY sent these kids to climb up trees that you KNOW there's snakes in, this spells out only one thing in my book: LAWSUIT!!!

The waterfall scenes don't seem much better. In addition to the waterfall itself looking like it was something that was drawn in MS Paint (surprisingly, it's about the only part of the game that I have an issue with the graphics on - this had strangely good graphics for an Imagine game), while you're trying to fish - and in such an odd fashion, might I add; who just holds a net in a waterfall and hopes for fish to land in them? - much debris comes flying over the waterfall as well. Flower pots, paint cans, fat kids... Unless this was a social commentary on how bad pollution is for the environment, I don't quite see the point of this either.

Both in the digging and tent pitching levels, you're bombarded by snakes and crabs who try to undermine your efforts. All you're left to fend yourself with is a measly fly swatter. I don't see how a fly swatter would help you fend off either of these creatures, seeing how smacking either of them with one would just piss them off and make them MORE likely to attack in real life, but I digress. Bad planning on Imagine's part.

The marathon races are pretty strange too. You'll have to crank a siren, blow a whistle (which always made me dizzy as hell trying to keep it up for long enough - asthmatics, beware), crank a noisemaker, clap a pair of oversized foam hands, blow an airhorn, amongst a few other things to try and make your kid run faster. Your secret weapon: CANDY! Oh yes. Teach them that sugar highs will win games! *FACEPALM* Honestly, what were they thinking? WERE they thinking? I don't think so.

And then there's the singing levels. Oh GOD, how I cringed at these. The 'singing', as it were, is nothing more than a poorly emulated "laaaa" sound from a midi program. (I used to have software to make such files with and remember the sound effects for voices perfectly. This sounds JUST like that did.) They also sing badly, even for kids. Add to this that the faces they make while singing looks like someone's coming at them with a chainsaw and they're screaming for their lives, and it's really not a fun level to have to play over and over.

After you sit through the horribleness that is this game? You find out there's NO ENDING.

Read that again.

NO. ENDING.

You just wasted hours - possibly DAYS - on this retarded game, only to find that there's no ending, no tying up loose ends, just a 'free play' for you to use. Why, pray tell, would you WANT to still play the same things OVER AND OVER that you've already been doing for the past who knows how long and driving yourself crazy with? No. Just, no. Skip this title, guys. Do it for your sanity.

2 out of 10 bratty students.