Saturday, December 10, 2011

PC Review: Bee Garden: The Lost Queen

Alright, before you even say it: just looking at the cover picture alone, I probably should have known that this game was going to be incredibly lame just by looking at it, right? Well, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt...and evidently my skepticism was right on the mark.

The premise of this game is that there's a colony of bees, and their queen has left them. Rather than, y'know, appoint a new queen (as is the case in real hives), they decide to try and make it on their own so they can *impress* the queen SO much that she might come home. Maybe. If she feels like it. They go from garden to garden, with their sophisticated honey making machines, all around the world to make all sorts of different hybrids of honey.

There's a glaring fact here that I can't ignore that just annoys me about this whole game that they're assuming kids won't know: BEES DON'T LIVE THAT LONG. They wouldn't have time to globetrot and just do this all over the place. And bees make honey without needing a single machine in real life. So what the hell is this?

You start out with a few lone seeds, and from there, you're expected to breed them and produce more and more seeds as your flowers die off, after you've collected the "nectar drops" and made honey from them. Uhhhh....okay then. You have a quota to fill every level. Since when do bees take honey orders, I ask you? Oh well, nevermind. Then toss into the mix that you have bumblebees trying to steal your nectar drops that you have to kill, caterpillars, ground beetles, and a whole mess of nasties that you're constantly chasing after with a spray can to keep from killing your garden. Also, weeds. Whenever these weeds pop up, you have approximately, oh, 2 seconds to get them the hell out of there, STAT, or they'll poison your bees. Lovely, huh?

Then, while all of this is going on, at the same time you also have to be distracted by trying to collect pieces for random powerups. There's always 4 or 5 pieces to all of them. Say, raindrops and a cloud for a rainstorm (to water your plants), clock pieces for more time on the clock, peas in a pod for extra seeds, honeycomb coins for more money....you get the picture. All while you're supposed to be focused on cultivating your plants and making honey. Huh. And don't forget that there's about a million upgrades you have to buy for each garden, too!

My other HUGE gripe with this game is how SLOWLY everything moves. Have the creators of the game ever seen a bee? I honestly have to wonder! They move SO. SLOWLY. And don't even start me on the speed of the cut scenes. I can't even stand to sit through them. I tried, I really did! Iusually try to always watch them to get a better idea of the storyline that goes along with the gameplay, but trust me, you do that on this game and you'll be wasting more time watching shoddy animations than actually playing this sub-par game.

Do yourself a favor. Spare yourself the time, the money, and the effort, and just don't buy or play this game. It is AWFUL. I'm going to give it a lowly star and a half rating.