DS Review: Ready Steady Cook

If there's one thing I've learned over the course of my reviewing various video games, it's that one thing never works: TV show to video game conversions. Why is that? Who knows. But it never, ever seems to work.

This game is based off the BBC programme, "Ready Steady Cook" (just as the title implies). You learn to cook in five different ethnic cuisine styles: British, Mexican, Indian, Oriental, and Mediterranean. The quality of your dishes will be stacked up against those of another contestant, and whoever does a better job wins, quite simply enough. Now, the dishes are also subdivided (even under each cuisine title) into four categories, based on price, apparently: Budget, Classic, Bistro, and Gourmet. Here are the dishes you'll be making:


British:

• Creamy Pea Soup (Budget)
• Bread and Butter Pudding (Budget)
• Banana Smoothie (Budget)
• Sticky Toffee Pudding (Classic)
• Sweet and Sour Peppers (Classic)
• Cod Wrapped in Bacon (Classic)
• Eggs Benedict Royale (Bistro)
• Venison Burger (Bistro)
• Smoked Salmon (Bistro)
• Wafer Stacks (Gourmet)
• Stuffed Mushrooms (Gourmet)
• Sea Bass with Asparagus (Gourmet)

Mexican:

• Cannellini Bean Soup (Budget)
• Mexican Sandwich (Budget)
• Chorizo and Chickpea Salad (Budget)
• Black Bean Salsa (Classic)
• Spicy Tortilla (Classic)
• Burritos (Classic)
• Churros (Bistro)
• Tex Mex (Bistro)
• Quesadillas (Bistro)
• Red Pepper Tortilla (Gourmet)
• Chicken Chimichangas (Gourmet)
• Tuna Tortilla (Gourmet)

Indian:

• Lentil and Vegetable Dhal (Budget)
• Vegetable Curry (Budget)
• Chickpea and Potato Curry (Budget)
• Chilli Flatbreads (Classic)
• Chicken Biryani (Classic)
• Chicken Tikka (Classic)
• Samosa (Bistro)
• Lamb Chappati Rolls (Bistro)
• Sheekh Kebabas (Bistro)
• Fish Pokora (Gourmet)
• Prawn Curry (Gourmet)
• Fish Curry (Gourmet)

Oriental:

• Crab Cakes (Budget)
• Pak Choi (Budget)
• Pad Thai (Budget)
• Egg Fried Rice (Classic)
• Pork Spring Rolls (Classic)
• Pork Lettuce Rolls (Classic)
• Wontons with Jam (Bistro)
• Coconut Broth (Bistro)
• Stir Fried Prawns (Bistro)
• Oriental Duck Salad (Gourmet)
• Chicken Satay (Gourmet)
• Chicken and Noodle Goreng (Gourmet)

Mediterranean:

• Chilled Melon Soup (Budget)
• Parma Wrap (Budget)
• Ricotta Stuffed Figs (Budget)
• Glazed Carrot (Classic)
• Carrot Coriander Soup (Classic)
• Parma Ham Bruschetta (Classic)
• Italian Tomato Tart (Bistro)
• Pesto Spaghetti (Bistro)
• Aubergine Wraps (Bistro)
• Gazpacho (Gourmet)
• Flatbread Pizza (Gourmet)
• Tiramisu (Gourmet)

You'll spend this game cracking eggs, chopping, cleaning, cutting, dressing, deep frying, draining, filling, frying, grating, manually mixing, automatically mixing, opening cans, setting ovens, peeling, picking, seasoning, simmering, slicing, and squeezing foods in preparation to make each meal. Not all these steps will be done either realistically or anywhere even VAGUELY near realistically... for instance, to open a can, you tap on randomly appearing dots that show up around the rim of the can. Ummm.....the last time I opened a can, there were no dots nor tapping? :p Just like with draining food, I don't think you'll be catching food randomly falling from the sky into a collander and saying it's been drained... no, it doesn't work like that. So, take some of these steps with a grain of salt. What gets me is that there's so little instruction on how to do these things that even on the easy difficulty, I failed a *lot* of times before finally figuring out the tricks in how to accomplish what they wanted. (Which, to be fair, is probably a lot like how real life cooking goes.) Also, it doesn't give you enough time for almost any of the tasks. If they'd extended each round by even just a few seconds more, I think it would greatly help things. I do, however, like that there's an in-game cookbook that tells you how to make each and every one of these dishes in real life. So it's won bonus points for itself there.

I'd by no means call this a terrible game; it should probably be ranked right up there alongside the Cooking Mama franchise. Analytically speaking, however... I think I'm going to rate this one a 6.5 out of 10 collanders.

DS Review: All Star Cheer Squad

Loyal readers, I'll let you in on a little secret here: when I was in 7th grade, I was on the cheerleading squad at my school. (No, I will not post photos.) For as much as it always embarasses me to admit that fact, it seems odd to me that I always feel obligated to try out the various cheerleading video games...even if just to laugh at them. This one was released for both the DS and the Wii. Now, I don't have a Wii to test out that version on, but I bet it was MUCH better than its DS counterpart. The utilization of the Wiimotes as pom-poms makes it seem almost natural. Of course, it could only get so realistic without the cheers themselves...and I don't believe any of that was included in the game. However, this review is about the DS version, not the Wii one.

This game seems like it made sense on the drawing board as being engaging and fun. Somewhere in between the planning and the production of the game, however, it seemed to lose sight of both. I can look past the shoddy 3D graphics, I've come to expect that from DS games at this point. But things like the map...

I'll tell you one thing: THE MAP IS A LIIIIIIIIE. Honestly. If you just look at it and try to move around on the upper screen based on just what you see on the map, you'll never meet your destinations. They do NOT match up. Not in the least. It takes you until figuring out that you can tap locations on the map itself to get in the general vicinity (not even always arriving quite at the right place, just NEAR it), which is never even mentioned in the tutorial that you can do, to figure out transportation doesn't have to take about 10 minutes - real time - to figure out where you're going. I almost didn't make it past the second game day because of this fact.

The plot goes a little something like this: Your character is going to Cheer Camp this summer for a week with her cousin, who's a well-seasoned veteran of the camp at this point, and you're going just for fun. All too soon, you find yourself forced into being compared with your cousin, whether you like it or not, and are expected to live up to and surpass her reputation. One catch... When you're promoted to captain of the Wolf Squad (and I'm still mad I couldn't pick which squad I was on, I'd of picked Diamond squad), this ego quickly goes to your head in a matter of hours and instead of being the kind, helpful girl you were when you first started camp, you turn into a bossy, mean spirited, selfish person who only has her own success in mind instead of the team. You also start picking up the phrases and mannerisms of the rival top captain, whom everyone hates. Split personality disorder, much?

You'll be planning your daily schedule with the aid of your activity wheel. And just what is an activity wheel, might you ask? Well I'll tell you. It's basically a pie chart where you'll arrange and allocate your time into your daily tasks: free time, working out, practicing your moves, competitions, etc. Keep in mind that your free time isn't really "free" per se. You either have to practice your moves, or you have to go help people. Those are your options. (And I thought camp was supposed to be fun?) When you help other campers, you'll be sent on some type of wild goose chase, looking for a specific item. Some aren't so hard to find, whereas others are buried in dirt or sand - how are you supposed to see those?! Sure, you could blindly grope your way through each screen until you find it, but even when you see where it is? It won't necessarily register. Actually, you usually have to tap the correct location repeatedly about a dozen times before it will pick it up. It's ridiculous.

The music in this game is also atrocious. There's only one real song in the whole game...and it's a JONAS BROTHERS song. What the hell?!!? Another strike against this game, just saying. All the rest are ones made for the game, and every level of retarded. Let's try on these lyrics for size: "Better sit back cos I ain't gonna stop, that's my banana rollin' round the block!" (From the gem "Back of the Bus") They're ALL LIKE THAT. That's scarily enough probably the 'best' one (and I use that term loosely here).

I was really hoping this game would be a quick playthrough, but noooo. It drags out FOREVER. Which only further adds to my disdain with it. Oh well, what can you do, right?

Rating this game a 3 out of 10 pom-poms.