DS Review: A Witch's Tale

The first thing I should mention in this review, before anything else, is that I didn't have a legit copy of this game to try out and review. (Haven't been able to find it ANYWHERE.) So I downloaded a rom of the game. (I know, I know. Booooooo on L.L.P.!) Of course, if someone would like to donate a copy to me, I wouldn't be opposed. ;)

So why is this relevent, you may ask? Well... Because of one minor, and yet major flaw that I'm sure isn't an issue with the game cartridge itself: the main menu is jumbled up. And because of that, you CAN'T get to any save files. That poses a *huge* problem in the gameplay for this game, so I wasn't able to get incredibly far before being taken back to the main screen. It's really a shame, because this was the first game in a LONG time that I'd been particularly impressed by in every other aspect. (But, props to them nonetheless for implementing such successful copyright protection. Good show. If I can ever manage to find a copy of it, I'll definitely be buying it.)

You're playing the role of a young, mischievous, and let's face it - bratty witch named Liddell who's decided the magic she's being taught in witchcraft school isn't strong enough for her. She hears tale of an ancient black magic more powerful than anything else the world had ever seen, strong enough to send the entire planet into peril. Only by the powers of Alice (oh yes, THAT Alice... What timing for me to run across a video game that just happens to tie in with "Alice in Wonderland", no?) was this evil witch entombed for all eternity. ......Or so one thought. Liddell makes it her mission to track down where exactly this tomb is located at, and breaks into it. Sure enough, now freed from her entombment, the evil spirit is unleashed on the unsuspecting world, and Liddell is left with her old spell book.

The breaking and entering manages to wake the slumber of a vampire who lives in the vicinity named Loue. By all accounts, Loue is only one notch above a Twilight vampire as far as vampirism is concerned. Fairly wimpy, unimpressive, and yet... strangely lovable at the same time. (Don't ask, I don't even know.) He decides to make it his mission to take dear, stupid Liddell under his wing and show her the ropes of how everything works, so that she may have some shot at re-containing this ancient black magic. It takes some persuasion on his part to convince her that this is, indeed, a good idea, and that with some work, she might become as powerful as Alice. Those are the magic words as far as she's concerned, and she cooperates.

Loue guides her through the navigation of maps, shows her the different worlds she'll be traveling to and defeating enemies in, and, most importantly, how to fight said enemies. Now here's where things get a little different. Although one would have to technically classify this as a typical turn-based RPG, the actual fighting is somewhat unique to this game. You have the option to merely attack your opponent (thus saving magic points but not being as powerful in most cases), but what you'll find out quickly is that you'll want to use your runes. Runes, you say? Yes, runes. Each rune has a different type of attack power, and each one affects different opponents to different degrees. There's a lot of trial and error involved here, as well as a fair degree of luck. In addition, Liddell possesses a doll that also helps her fight in battles. She's more powerful than Liddell herself is, which is impressive for a doll. Throughout the game, you'll collect more dolls and be able to choose which you want to take into battle at your side.

The graphics are actually pretty good for a sprite game. I was very impressed by that and the sound quality. It isn't the typical video gamey music - it's actual MUSIC being played for once, real voices being used, etc. This also earns it huge points with me.

This game might be a little bit scary for a younger crowd; I wouldn't advise it to anybody under age 10. Possibly a little older if they're easily scared. While the game seems as though it was created with females in mind, I wouldn't doubt that there's a male demographic who play and enjoy this game too. It's got just the right degrees of, well, EVERYTHING to make the game great for almost everybody. I'm going to rate it a big 9 out o 10 witches.

DS Review: My Little Baby

In the many games out there aimed towards little girls made for the DS, you'd be amazed at just how many of them evidently are trying their damndest to train them from a young age onward into domesticity; something you don't see happening when you play games that are aimed at boys. (Usually. I'm sure that there's an exception or two here or there, but that's about it.) As such, it's no surprise that there's a ton of 'baby' games out there....such as the one that I'm going to be reviewing here. Didn't have very high hopes going into it, and as it turns out, looks like I was right.

Upon first booting up the game (and not just on the first load, oh no - you get this little reminder every single time you load the game), you'll be treated to an animation sequence of 'your' baby developing in utero as a fetus up to delivery day - which VERY thankfully is not shown - and you're handed this baby. Not as a newborn....as a three month old. (I don't know why either.) Your doting nanny gives you helpful hints and pointers along the way...wait, let's focus on this for just a moment. Nanny? If you have a nanny for your child, why the hell is this even a game? Shouldn't the nanny be doing all of this for you?! (You know I'm right.) Strike one!

As you'll quickly find out, you have many necessities you'll need to buy for your baby...and very little money. Oh, so little money that you burn through very quickly and only earn as a pittance at a time. About $20 a day, if I'm not mistaken. Doing what? I don't know! You just get it at the beginning of each day. Regardless, you'll learn fast that this won't get you very far on its own, which I suppose is good training in regards to life skills, but I digress. You'll see your VERY ugly baby. Yes, I said it. The baby's UGLY. It doesn't matter what sort of 'parental' info you put in for the biology of this child; at best, your baby will look like a miniature version of Bert Lahr. (For those not in the know, he's the man that played the Cowardly Lion in "The Wizard Of Oz". Look him up.) This is totally a case of a kid having a face that only a mother could love. Perhaps because you're not the real mother, that's why it's not cute? I don't know.

Regardless, you'll be presented with a map of your house. You can go out in the garden, the playroom, the nursery, bathroom, or the kitchen. Each place has its own activities that are unique to that location. Well, almost. Most of the things you can do in the nursery, you can do in the garden, and vice versa. About the only difference is that when the baby gets a little older, there will be a swing out there that can only go outside, and obviously can't take indoors. The kitchen is where you prepare the bottles and/or the baby food and then drinking/eating, the nursery is for dressing your baby and putting it down for naps and sleep, the garden and playroom are for playing in, and the bathroom is for, as you probably have surmised by now, bathing. (And diaper changes.) What an exciting life, right? You can also go to the shops, but, as you hardly have any cash at any one given time, it's usually just sitting there on the map, mocking you in the face and reminding you that you're a poor parent for not being able to provide them with everything they want and need. And indeed, there WILL be times when you can't even provide for your baby's most basic needs, and they'll get sick as a result. Guilt trip much?! Then the doctor has to make a house call, which you ALSO won't be able to afford, and a random family member will have to pitch in and foot the bill for you whilst reminding you that you need to mind your money better. (Jeez. As if I don't already get enough of that in real life?)

99% of this game will be horrible, boring monotony day in, day out. At least in real life, as your child grows, they'll become more spontaneous and keep you amused as a parent! Not here. This game out to be a mandatory teaching tool in high schools to try and scare kids out of teenage sex. "This WILL be your life if you get pregnant." Seems decent enough to me! Then there's the rare teaching experiences, where you get to teach your baby to crawl, balance, and walk. These last for about a minute.

Then there's the 'wtf' factor at play. For instance, anyone with even half a brain knows that you do NOT feed a baby honey. EVER. That's a HUGE no-no that I thought was just common sense. Oh, it's out the window in this game! It's a SOOTHER. What the HELL?! You can't do that! Oh, but they do, they do. And don't have a lick of guilt about teaching young girls all over the world that this is okay. Also, once your baby is crawling, if you ignore it for a few minutes, it'll try sticking its finger in an electrical socket. What sort of an idea was THAT to put into a game like this?! There's so many weird little things like that. But, it's always the nanny pointing it out to you, which again brings up the point - if the nanny is ALWAYS around and watching, why don't they just look after the kid themself and let me get on with my life? I didn't hire them for nothing, after all!

Here's another pet peeve of mine: did I mention you don't even get jarred baby food? Oh, no. You have the pleasure of COOKING the baby food yourself. Isn't that a pleasant little joy? Now, how many parents honestly do this, show of hands? Okay, that's none.... now, how many of you parents who have nannies for your children do this? ....Mmhmm, that's what I thought. NONE. Why is this in the game?! It's a waste of time!

The element of time drags on PAINFULLY slowly in this game. It took me literally weeks of playing this stupid thing just to get my baby to hit a year old. And guess what? Suddenly, the age jumps from 1 to 3, and now baby's in preschool and you get a NEW baby! YAAAAAAY!.......actually, gag me with a spoon, I'm NOT ABOUT TO DO THAT AGAIN. I shut the game off, didn't bother saving or anything. This, sadly....was a humongous mistake. Why is that, you may ask? Well, while in my mind, I'd made the assumption that whenever your babies grow up and go on to preschool, you just get a new baby and this whole game is an endless loop, to be played over and over until you get bored of it. Well. While I was grabbing the box art from Google for this post that I'm writing right now, I discovered that apparently, your older child isn't gone. Oh, no. I could've played with them too....except that I didn't save, and there's no way in hell I'm going to play that game through *again* just to see what it might do when this entire game had been nothing but mind-numbing monotony to the point where I want to SCREAM! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (....feel better? Yes. I feel better now.)

The whole experience, even minus that last part, is maddening. And not in a good way. I can't see myself ever truly recommending this game to anybody unless if it were an act of complete and utter sadism. This game gets a rating of 4 out of 10 milk bottles.

DS Review: Cate West: The Vanishing Files

I'd been meaning to try out this game for months, ever since I heard of this game and saw a few screenshots of it, but still was a little unsure of what exactly to expect - gameplay or otherwise.

In this game, you're playing the role of Cate West, a young authoress who's recently been receiving much acclaim for the release of her new book. Unbeknowst to she (or anyone else, for that matter), she's been blessed with a gift: she's a psychic. She has vivid dreams of things before they happen. As such, she begins having dreams about crimes that have been happening around the city, and begins to help solve cases by details she sees in her dreams. The plot probably doesn't sound nearly as impressive as it actually is; it's very heavy and downright dark at points. (If you like dramatic storylines, like myself, then you'll love this.)

As far as the actual gameplay itself goes, it's a bit different from how I anticipated it to work out. It plays, more or less, like a glorified I Spy type of game. You'll move from location to location, being given a list of items to find that are scattered and hidden throughout the location, and do so before the time runs out. I also particularly like that most of the locations seem to be named after classic stars...Garland (leave it to me to notice that one first and foremost...), Townshend, Mason, Gillespie, Sullivan, Bennett, etc. Very nice touch! After going through all of these, you'll be presented with a couple of items that are actual clues... but broken into shards and you must find these pieces amongst different locations as well. Once you piece these together as well, you'll discover your suspect's hideout - which will present you with two pictures side by side of the same location, and you point out all the differences in the two pictures. (It's harder than it sounds - some are INCREDIBLY subtle.) You then deduce pieces that will help identify your criminal; you pick them out from a lineup of 8 people based on your clues, and then you recreate the crime scene in a reverse style from the criminal hideout level - you have two screens side by side and have to replace the missing objects where they go. This is how you complete each case. (It makes more sense when you actually play it.)

I was fairly impressed by the graphics of the game. While the characters themselves are drawn in a cartoon style, they're animated beautifully. The actual gameplay is much more realistic looking, which also makes it a little more difficult in finding all the necessary items. (Good thing they give you copious amounts of time to complete each one.) The sound effects are both good an bad. The music gives the game an eerie, almost deja vu feel to it (which I'm sure was the intention), and then during dialogue scenes, often the first word or two is actually spoken by the characters. But during the intro and endings of the game, the entireties of both are fully spoken...so why not do this for the whole game? I'm not entirely sure. A little continuity would've been better, I think. And the controls, well.... While not horrible, they do leave something to be desired. They're not a mile off, but oftentimes you'll find yourself clicking on an item that you KNOW is right there, but it doesn't register (and subsequently docks you points for it), and then you do it again a minute later in the same exact spot and magically, now it decides to work.

I don't want to spoil the plot for anyone, as it's the main focal point of the game (and the entire reason that playing so many levels in a row that are virtually the same exact thing over and over again doesn't get really boring) but I will say that they left things pretty open-ended so that a sequel might someday be made. I personally hope they follow through with this...I do think I'd buy it! Overall, this game is actually surprisingly good. I'm going to rate it an 8 out of 10 case files.

DS Review: I Love Beauty: Hollywood Makeover

Once again, I bring you a game review of yet another makeup simulation game. (Yawn.) For how many seem to be out there, it tells me one thing: give these little girls some real makeup to play with and have done with it! But, alas, amidst the waves of tweens dressing skankily (whom I still refer to as 'prostitots'), parents are still reluctant to let their girls play with real makeup. (Rather ironic, when you think about it.) Anyhow, I digress. I bring you a genuine, L.L.P.-patented review for I Love Beauty: Hollywood Makeover by City Interactive.

City Interactive? I can't say as I'd heard of them before, so I took a gander at their website to see just what else they'd done. A first glance at their game list looked fairly impressive...until I noticed two things. One, one of their titles has a blatant spelling error right in the name! How did THAT pass through without anybody noticing it? And two, of all these fairly good-looking games...every last one of them except for 3 are for the PC. The only 3 for DS are Sushi Academy, Chronicles of Mystery: Curse of the Ancient Temple, and of course, I Love Beauty: Hollywood Makeover. Comparing the two lists, I came to the conclusion that with the exception of that second title, they feel that boys play computer games, thus putting all the badass games out on PC only, and then the other two games left for DS are blatantly sexist toward female stereotyping. (My interpretation? 'Women are only good for doing makeup and getting back in the kitchen'. See what I mean?) Of course, this observation has little to nothing to do with the actual gameplay of this game, so I'll set that aside now that I've gotten it out of the way.

You're playing the role of a new, yet prestigious Hollywood makeup artist who gets clients from all facets of the industry. As you satisfactorily complete their makeovers, you unlock more missions you'll need to complete, as well as new clients altogether. Sounds simple, right? In this case, you're wrong, for you see, this game does not allow for any mistakes, no matter how minor. If you barely smudge some makeup, you'll have to entirely start the whole makeover over from the beginning to even attempt to get a 5 star rating. That hardly seems fair! In real life, you can just wipe it away and do it over, but you can't do that here, for some reason. It quickly becomes infuriating, and for that, it's another one of those games I can only manage to get through maybe a couple of makeovers at a time on before having to put it away and not think about the game for a week or two. (Thus why it's taken me since September to complete a game that, had I just kept at it, might have only taken me a few days.) Now, what could be so difficult about accurately applying all this makeup? Well, for starters, they demand such a level of accuracy that you might as well be playing with real makeup... I'll go through step by step, detailing every portion of the makeovers.

• Hair Dying - Cover the whole hair with dying foam and wash with water afterwards. This is pretty straightforward, although... SInce when does anyone dye their hair with foam? I've only seen it in liquids, powders, and gels. Hmm.....
• Brushing Hair Out - Take a hair brush and brush the hair thoroughly. Sounds simple, but oftentimes, even when you think you've gotten it all, you'll only get a "very good" rating instead of a "perfect" because you missed one tiny little swipe with the brush where you should've gone over it just one more time.
• Hair Curling - Curl the hair as nicely as you can. Be careful not to overdo it. You take a curling iron and curl each section of hair, but if you leave it on for longer than just a couple of seconds, you can and will burn the hair. Getting the timing just right on this is maddening.
• Hair Straightening - Straighten the hair as nicely as you can. Be careful not to overdo it. Basically just like the hair curling levels, you'll easily burn the hair if you leave the straightener on even a fraction of a second too long.
• Hair Spray - Spray the hair as thoroughly as you can. Be careful, there is not much hair spray left. All you do is just spray the whole head of hair with spray and watch it change color.
• Jewellery - Match the jewellery to the makeup the way you like it. There's no way to get this one wrong.
• Foundation - Use the foundation to match the effect from the example. Try to avoid eyes and lips. Easier said than done...get too close to the mouth, it'll count it as going over it. Don't get close enough, and it'll register as though you forgot a spot. This one is really luck of the draw in how it ends up working.
  
• Powder - Use powder in the right places to get the same effect as shown in the example. In actuality, this is blush, not powder.
• Eyeshadow - Paint the eyelids as shown in the example. Again, be careful not to smudge outside the lines.
• Eyeliner - Remember the example and draw a similar line on the eyelid. This is what I'm talking about with needing to be so accurate that you may as well be doing real makeup, folks.
  
• Curling - Warm the curler. If it gets too hot, switch the hairdryer to cooling. Close the curler, but not for too long. ...Did I mention we're talking about eyelashes here? We are. And it's even harder to get correct than curling the hair. By the way...who ever in real life has warmed their eyelash curler with a blow dryer first?
• False Lashes - Move false lashes on the eyelid and place them in the right order. ...Since when do false lashes come in segments of four pieces for a single lashline? This is absolutely and utterly ridiculous. I thought I'd love this part of the game, channeling a bit of Minnelli into all of the clients who request this, but...ugh, nevermind!
• Eyebrow Drawing - Change the eyebrow contour with the eyebrow pencil. As long as you go nice and slowly, this should be easy.
• Tweezers - Find unwanted hairs and remove them by gently moving them in the direction they grow.
  
• Mascara - Paint the eyelashes as shown in the example. Be careful not to glue them together. ...Easier said than done. I'm pretty sure putting on real mascara is even a million times easier than completing this level accurately.
  
• Lip Liner - Remember the shape of lips and try to draw a similar one. Like with the eyeliner, you'll be tracing a very thin outline here, but it's even trickier, as a singular line isn't thick enough to fill the outline, and if you don't fill it just right, it will dock you down a rating point. But in going back to fill it in, there is a high probability you will go outside the lines.
  
• Lipstick - Put the lipstick on carefully to get the same effect as shown in the example. Don't smudge outside the lines, lest your client end up looking like she's got herpes. (Learned this the hard way...)
• Gloss - Paint the lips with the gloss. Try to get the same effect as shown in the example. Pretty much, as long as you stay inside the lines and don't miss any spots, it's hard to mess this one up.
• Nail Polish - Polish finger nails by moving nail warnish across them. ...Except that this game LIES and you're not polishing the nails at all, you're buffing them with an emery board! What is this?!
• Nail File - Smoothen nails by moving the file along their edges. Ew.... I hate these things in real life, and the thought of the rough scratching they make sent shudders right through me even just VIRTUALLY doing this. EW!
• Painting - Paint nails and dry them by blowing.
• Decoration - Decorate nails the way you like them. Pick a decoration and slide it towards a nail. There's no right or wrong way to do this, as long as it makes it on the nail. They don't even have to match.
• French Nails - Paint all the entire nails with the chosen color, then paint the nail edges white. Nevermind that the edges will look like you painted them with Liquid Paper.
• Acrylic Nails - Choose an acrylic nail matching the shape of dot and move it over a finger tip. ..."The shape of dot"? Really guys? Couldn't you have used proper grammar? :p Anyhow, I HATE this level with a passion, because even eyeballing it to the best of your ability, chances are you'll ALWAYS get at least one or two wrong.

As you continue to progress through the game, there will be three makeup competitions you'll have to compete in to complete the game. Each consists of three makeovers that you'll have to complete perfectly, lest you have to start over from the beginning of the first one again and keep on doing this until you get it right. Eventually you'll complete all three, your friends will throw you a party, and it's the end of the game. A rather disappointing end to the game, at that.

I must say that while on one hand, I do enjoy that this game's a bit more challenging than most of its competitors on the market - it's not quite as mindless to play - but on the other hand, I hate the fact that some of the levels are almost impossible to complete with a perfect score, even as an adult. I'm sure there's a suitable middle ground that could have been struck here. I'm going to rate this game a 6 out of 10 lipstick tubes. A very forgettable game...

DS Review: Imagine Makeup Artist

Before you even say it, yes, I know what you're thinking about yet another Imagine game. But wait! Don't go! I'm not going to say what you think I am about it!

For as horribly as the past...I don't even remember how many Imagine games have sucked, this one somehow, miraculously....didn't! I don't know if they got one of their older game programmers/illustrators back onboard or what, but this game is surprisingly MUCH better than I'd anticipated it would be for 'just another makeup game'.

For starters, you'll immediately notice the difference in animation style once you boot up the game. It's not the lousy 3-D graphics that Imagine has so fondly taken under their wing, despite the fact that they don't look very good on a DS. No, these graphics are the adorably cute anime style graphics that we saw the likes of in Imagine Master Chef and Imagine Ballet Star. This immediately set the bar a little higher for my standards and expectations of this game, as it already seemed higher budget than many of its sister titles. Sure, the music sounds like something out of a 90's fashion show, but... what else would you expect from a makeup-themed game, right? It DID borrow some of the sound effects from Imagine Master Chef, but that's alright. I can overlook that, because they're not bad.

Now. Your character, of whom you have 3 different types to choose from as your base (I personally chose the 'cute' style one because - hey! She looks almost just like me!), has traveled to a prestigious makeup artistry school, to learn from basically the best of the best in the world, with the intentions of learning everything they can from them so that they may take the new title of the world's greatest makeup artist. A lofty goal, certainly. You go through lessons on just about every type of makeup (except nails...I don't know why they left that out) to learn how to use them and how they benefit you. (I found on a few of these, you can learn some real life tips that I didn't know a lot about. Also, they stress the importance of toner, moisturizer, and sunscreen as necessities.) In between lessons, you'll be practicing on clients who come in to the university, looking for help with their makeup. It's your job to ask around town for tips on how to achieve the look that they want, procure the necessary cosmetics, return and then do their makeup. Pretty simple.

Of course, this isn't the whole game. Oh, no, no at all. Following in the footsteps of Imagine Ballet Star, everything is not a hand-out here. You actually have to work for your money to buy cosmetics, hairstyles, and fashionable clothing (the latter of which are completely unnecessary, but I'm a perfectionist who likes to complete her games to the most thorough of her abilities...thus, I collect everything). You start out at a job in a restaurant, washing dishes. As lowly as that job seems, you'll quickly find out that you can easily earn the most money at one time through this mini-game. (I'm also overlooking the fact that they entirely ripped off this mini-game from Imagine Master Chef.) Then you can move on to a cafe where you decorate cakes to fill customers' orders, then on to a florist's shop where you dole out the right number of flowers in specific numbers to customers, and finally to an amusement park, where there's two possible job routes: filling balloons or reading announcements over the PA system. (For a mild dyslexic, the latter of those two is almost cruel, as you have to quickly find, at a moment's notice, each line individually of the announcements.) Being the realist that I am, I like the fact that the game stresses that, despite trying to pursue a career in makeup, you'll need a side job to support your means, since surely you won't be earning a living off of doing makeup alone.

As an aside, and I guess to help flesh out your plot line a little bit more, you'll find your character falling for a boy and going out on dates (innocent ones, nothing trashy that the younger crowd shouldn't be seeing) with the boy on your days off. I won't say where exactly this leads to, since I don't want to give out TOO major of spoilers here - you'll have to play for yourself if you want to find out the answer to that question. ;)

There's only two things that I find particularly strange about this game, and only one of which is an actual complaint - the first is just something I find a little odd. At the beginning of the game, your instructor equips you with a compact. But, oh! It's not any ordinary compact, you see. It doesn't just house makeup... it also doubles as a PDA. It's where you receive your emails and take notes. Now, I don't know about you, but I find that to be just a little bit strange, don't you? And now, for the complaint. It's just a small complaint and doesn't hinder gameplay or anything, it just makes things a little more difficult than I feel they need to be. You navigate through the map screens with a series of arrows. Now, if you were to lay out the entire map on a 3 x 3 grid (so that there were 9 squares total), there'd be....well, a couple of squares missing. No big deal, except that the game doesn't compensate for this, and will toss you into places you shouldn't be if you were trying to go to X location, then you try to go back where you came from and end up elsewhere. That part annoys me, and made trying to figure out where things were at first somewhat difficult. That's my only real complaint about this game though, so hey! Kudos to you, Imagine; you've finally made a game I couldn't just mercilessly rip to shreds!

Overall, this game's actually pretty good! Therefore, I've no choice but to give it a good rating, despite it being an Imagine game. I think I'm going to rate it an 8 out of 10 makeup brushes.