PC Review: Bee Garden: The Lost Queen

Alright, before you even say it: just looking at the cover picture alone, I probably should have known that this game was going to be incredibly lame just by looking at it, right? Well, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt...and evidently my skepticism was right on the mark.

The premise of this game is that there's a colony of bees, and their queen has left them. Rather than, y'know, appoint a new queen (as is the case in real hives), they decide to try and make it on their own so they can *impress* the queen SO much that she might come home. Maybe. If she feels like it. They go from garden to garden, with their sophisticated honey making machines, all around the world to make all sorts of different hybrids of honey.

There's a glaring fact here that I can't ignore that just annoys me about this whole game that they're assuming kids won't know: BEES DON'T LIVE THAT LONG. They wouldn't have time to globetrot and just do this all over the place. And bees make honey without needing a single machine in real life. So what the hell is this?

You start out with a few lone seeds, and from there, you're expected to breed them and produce more and more seeds as your flowers die off, after you've collected the "nectar drops" and made honey from them. Uhhhh....okay then. You have a quota to fill every level. Since when do bees take honey orders, I ask you? Oh well, nevermind. Then toss into the mix that you have bumblebees trying to steal your nectar drops that you have to kill, caterpillars, ground beetles, and a whole mess of nasties that you're constantly chasing after with a spray can to keep from killing your garden. Also, weeds. Whenever these weeds pop up, you have approximately, oh, 2 seconds to get them the hell out of there, STAT, or they'll poison your bees. Lovely, huh?

Then, while all of this is going on, at the same time you also have to be distracted by trying to collect pieces for random powerups. There's always 4 or 5 pieces to all of them. Say, raindrops and a cloud for a rainstorm (to water your plants), clock pieces for more time on the clock, peas in a pod for extra seeds, honeycomb coins for more money....you get the picture. All while you're supposed to be focused on cultivating your plants and making honey. Huh. And don't forget that there's about a million upgrades you have to buy for each garden, too!

My other HUGE gripe with this game is how SLOWLY everything moves. Have the creators of the game ever seen a bee? I honestly have to wonder! They move SO. SLOWLY. And don't even start me on the speed of the cut scenes. I can't even stand to sit through them. I tried, I really did! Iusually try to always watch them to get a better idea of the storyline that goes along with the gameplay, but trust me, you do that on this game and you'll be wasting more time watching shoddy animations than actually playing this sub-par game.

Do yourself a favor. Spare yourself the time, the money, and the effort, and just don't buy or play this game. It is AWFUL. I'm going to give it a lowly star and a half rating.

PC Review: Restaurant Rush

Restaurant Rush is a slightly different type of 'dash' game than the typical ones we've all grown so accustomed to at this point. Assuming it was going to be something along the lines of Diner Dash, I downloaded it on a whim, even though I'd never heard of this particular title before. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was actually a different type of gameplay altogether from what I'd assumed!

I think it's fairly safe to say that anyone reading this has to be familiar with the game Bejeweled, correct? (If not, go search it and play it online. Right now. This is the modern equivalent of Tetris; EVERYONE has played this game. If somehow you haven't, stop reading this review right now and correct this problem straight away. ;)) For the rest of us, continue reading.

The gameplay in this game is very much like that of Bejeweled, except with food. Well alright, there's tons of Bejeweled knockoffs out there, what makes this one any different? Let me tell you. Just like with the dash games, down one side of your screen, you have a line of customers who keep making their food orders. On the opposite side of the screen, you see what ingredients you need to make these meals, plus how many of each item (something akin to Burger Island). Now, in the center of the screen you have the actual gameplay board, and THIS is the part that's like Bejeweled. The ingredients you need are the pieces on the board, and you have to match them up in rows of three (or more) to collect said ingredients. Don't take too long though, or your customers will get mad and leave.

There's upgrades of course, par usual. Ingredient upgrades to buy, new recipes, new songs to play on your jukebox, upgrades to your additional equipment for keeping customers happy, etc. There's also several maps that you'll play through that focus on different world cuisines from all over the globe - it's educational as well as fun!

The one gripe I have about this game is that unless you buy things in a very specific order, it is IMPOSSIBLE to actually win this game. I know, I know. This is the same girl who complains about other games being too easy, but it's not fair when it's in this genre and they set you up for failure unless you know specific knowledge of what you have to buy, in what order, to win. Still, overall, even if you don't win, it IS pretty fun... I'm going to rate it 8 out of 10 sliced and diced carrots.

PC Review: Nanny Mania 2 - Nanny Goes To Hollywood

Far from the first game I've reviewed where I didn't bother playing the original game in the series first, Nanny Mania 2 is yet another one of these. I'd never heard of the original, but seeing this one available - especially anything with Hollywood in the title - grabbed my attention, and I had to download it and try it out.

Now, true to form with my usual theme of PC games, it is indeed yet another 'dash' type game. (Yes, I hear your resounding groans here.) I must admit, this game was pretty lackluster. I'm guessing that it ties in following the heels of the first game that you're playing a nanny, but, immediately upon her arrival in Hollywood, she gets snagged up by one of the world's hottest actresses. (Given the way that she's portrayed, she seems to be a split between Nicole Richie and Angelina Jolie.) You're hired to keep house for her and take care of her children. Little do you know she's just going to keep on having and adopting more and more children as the game progresses.

Let me tell you that these people are complete and utter SLOBS. They leave dozens of articles all over their house (in every level, mind you) that you have to wash, dry, and put away. They leave garbage all over the floor, all through the house, that you have to throw away. There's piles of dirt to vaccuum, puddles to mop up, knocked over furniture to straighten, beds to make, food to prepare, dishes to wash, and that's not even counting where the kids are concerned. The kids fight and destroy the house in their aftermath; the babies need their diapers changed, bottles fed to them, and to be comforted whenever they fall down; the kids jump on beds and have to be put on time outs, etc. Not to mention, there's a dog that barrels through the house and destroys things, has accidents, and knocks things over, plus a bird who always seems to be on the loose. The house is in complete and utter chaos, and it's your job to fix it.

Also thrown randomly into the mix are relatives that come and overstay their welcome, paparazzi who stalk outside the windows trying to get exclusive photos to sell to the tabloids, and other such ridiculousness that could only happen in Hollywood. You're also on a strict timer, but this isn't all that hard to keep up with once you learn how to chain your actions and abuse the coffee pot.

It only took me about a week of casual playing to win the whole game, and I never felt particularly challenged by it. I guess for a younger crowd, maybe this would be the case, but for a teenager or an adult, definitely not. I'm going to rate this game a 3 out of 5 stars.

PC Review: Cake Mania - Lights, Camera, Action!

In between working on my NaNoWriMo adventures, reading/reviewing books, and trying to get my cross stitch projects complete in time for Christmas, I've been on a time-management game kick lately. (Ironic, given that I can't seem to properly even manage my own time...) Right on the heels of my last Cake Mania game review, today I bring you Cake Mania: Lights, Camera, Action!.

What struck me immediately about this game as being different from the other titles in this series is that this one seems to have much more of a plot than the others do. Jill and her husband are apparently expecting a baby and still trying to run their bakery. But wait, there's more! This time around, there's a film crew in town trying to film a movie at the same time. Their friend Risha has opened up a fashion boutique, and another friend has opened up an Italian restaurant. (This will all become important in a minute.)

When you first start playing, you're working in the bakery (which has had a serious facelift since the other games in the series) and the gameplay is fairly predictable - nothing entirely different from the other Cake Mania games. However, after a couple rounds, you unlock Risha's Boutique. This is an entirely new thing for the Cake Mania games, as this has nothing to do with baking whatsoever. Over here, you're in a cluttered boutique and have to find specific articles of clothing for the customers in a timely manner (it's more of a hidden item seek mini-game than anything) and gift wrap for certain patrons. Instead of upgrading appliances with your hard earned cash, instead you upgrade the new fashion lines you're carrying, as well as your gift-wrapping options. One particular fashion line caught my eye as a tried and true Liza Minnelli fan...

...I officially have a new favorite Cake Mania game, folks.

Then you unlock the Italian restaurant after a certain number of rounds in the fashion boutique. This is something more akin to Diner Dash, but still slightly unique and different.  You have to combine ingredients to make the customers' food requests. Not that difficult, not all that different from other time-management games out there, but still unique to Cake Mania and gives the game a little extra zest.

Now of course, my obligated gripes about the game...

Given that this is a line made with kids in mind (even though it usually tends to be adults, I've found, who end up playing it) I found it to be a little disconcerting that the map screen for the bakery levels is a little bit...porn-y, for lack of a better term. You've got Jill and her husband standing back to back, Jill rubbing her very pregnant belly and giving bedroom eyes while stereotypical "porn music" (as I so lovingly coin it) plays as background music. It just so happens that the trail of the map happens to be in a heart shape around them. One could argue that they're married, it's expected, but... I don't know. Something about it just feels the teensiest bit inappropriate. Nothing horrible, it's just a subtle thing that I couldn't help but notice every time the screen popped up in between levels.

Another gripe is how the game seems to assume that every expectant father is a bumbling idiot. Honestly. I know there's a stereotype that's being followed and all, and that's all fine and well, but honestly, I'm pretty sure that even the most naive of fathers wouldn't make a point of constantly pointing out how fat their wife has become. (And this happens REPEATEDLY, if you actually read the dialogue between levels.) It's not exactly a problem with the game I guess, but it just seems like a bad message to be sending kids while they're still at an impressionable age. Goes right up there with stereotyping gender roles from the 1950's.

Overall I really don't have too much to complain about with this game. It's fun, but it seems entirely too easy. All the other games in the line feel more challenging than this one. I don't know if they simplified the gameplay because of the alternate forms of gameplay included in the game or what, but I finished this almost alarmingly quickly. Had I not been multitasking with several other projects, I easily could have probably finished the entire game in 2 days, 3 tops. It doesn't feel like it has a ton of replay value. Maybe a little, but I don't see this one being one I'd come back to many times later on.

I'm going to rate this game a 7 out of 10 frosted cakes.

PC Review: Cake Mania To The Max!

I've been a long-standing supporter and player of the Cake Mania series. Basically since day one, honestly, as it was so similar to Diner Dash (which I've also been following since it first came out). There have been so many spin-offs in both series that it's hard to keep up these days. (There's a few I still need to get on both accords right now.)

This particular one was supposed to be a 1980's inspired game, basically going back in time to detail how the main character got her start in the cake making business. As you progress through the storyline, the background of the 'map' is all pictures of her life, starting from her birth.

The artwork is actually very nice. It follows suit with the quality of that of most of the games in this series, but I'm a big fan, so I may be biased. The dialogue, however, is horrendous. I AM a child of the 80's and I remember what people spoke like. And I'll give you a hint....it was nothing like this game. They more or less took every stereotypical phrase from the 80's and peppered it into every sentence or two, so there's no way you could forget what era this is supposed to be taking place in. (However, it comes off sounding much more like an immature valley girl.)

The gameplay itself is comparable with just about any other Cake Mania title. Personally I only managed to get up to about level 42 out of 100 before I deemed it impossible to play, but that's just me. I'm sure others have managed just fine. Needless to say, it is what it is. There's nothing particularly new or special about this title. But if you're a fan of the series, feel free to give it a spin! I'd rate this game a 3 and a half out of 5 cakes.